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Introduction 1
Chapter 1 Does a German Shepherd Need a Birth Plan? 1
Chapter 2 No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn, What's My Name Again? and Who is This Alien? 26
Chapter 3 The Screaming Kid on the Plane is NOT Mine! (This Time) 40
Chapter 4 "Mommy, Johan is Gone!" 54
Chapter 5 "Is Today a Work Day or a Home Day, Mommy?" 70
Chapter 6 I Saw Your Nanny...Being Normal? 87
Chapter 7 "Putting To Death Is Not Nice," a Duet for Two Boys and a Guitar 100
Chapter 8 Don't Listen to the Well-Meaning Morons 115
Chapter 9 If I Wouldn't Eat That, My Kid Won't Either 128
Chapter 10 You'll Give in Before I Do! 140
Chapter 11 Children Like Shiny Objects 153
Chapter 12 Raising Baby Einsteins 165
Chapter 13 Urban Wonderland 184
Chapter 14 "Daddy, a Cow! And It's Not in a Zoo!" 194
Chapter 15 You're Such a Great Parent, You Should Be on TV (LOL) 206
Chapter 16 The Light at the End of the Tunnel 215
Epilogue 226
Acknowledgments 229
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