It's Not about the Whip: Love Sex and Spirituality in the Bdsm Scene Book

I first started exploring Dominance and submission with my friend Bailey. We went camping one summer in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, and in the dark of the tent we shared our secret fantasies. I told him about wanting to be controlled in a sexual manner, although I didn't really know what that meant. Bailey knew. To my extreme embarrassment he ordered me to masturbate, right there in the tent, right there in front of him. Then, when I was just short of orgasm, he made me stop. When I had cooled down, he started all over again. This feeling of being so close and then not being allowed release created an erotic pain, a submission that thrilled me. I wanted more.
This would be the experience that turned me on to the world of BDSM: Bondage & Discipline; Dominance & Submission; and Sadism & Masochism
When Bailey and I started looking for information on what we were doing, we found the book Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns, which is still my favorite, not only for its content, but also for its lighthearted approach. Today there are many books on safety, apparatus, and erotica, but few that explore the power exchange from an emotional and spiritual point of view. Yet, it is this transformational aspect that makes my heart and body sing.
As I explored this lifestyle, I began to see how my BDSM experiences had a relationship to my spiritual path. I would describe my spiritual approach as Taoist in nature, with a relativist twist. This is why I capitalize both Dominant and Submissive; because just as in the yin/yang symbol, they are equal and interlocked parts of each other. Going into subspace isn't just kinky sex for me, although it sure does turnme on. It's also an entre into a mystical place similar to a walking meditation. The everyday world recedes, and I become more in touch with my own nature and with my higher power. Through exploring my BDSM orientation, I became more grounded and focused.
This book is a collection of columns that I wrote over the last few years as I recovered from a very painful breakup (just like a country song). The first section includes my personal reflections about being a Submissive, a Switch, and yes, a Dominant too. The second section includes the writing I've done in some unconventional, and sometimes controversial areas. The third section, Dating in the Scene follows the somewhat entertaining stories of my dating life. The fourth section, Diary of a Journalist Submissive, is the story about my experience at House Mermaid. In the fifth section I write about how the BDSM community has changed my views about our place in society. Finally, I write about being "Sensuous Sadie," and how being a leader and a writer has changed my life.
I'm hoping my travels through these strange and mystical places will light your path as well.