"I love you, but I'm not in love with you" Book

Marshall zeroes in on a marriage problem that is not addressed very much. Most marriage books talk about how to handle conflict, not how to revive romantic feelings that have died. But it is just as common a problem. Marshall actually says it is more common in his marriage counseling practice in the U.K. I would not say that is true of my practice in Seattle, WA, so perhaps it reflects a cultural difference.

He makes a good case for how getting angry and having fights keeps the spark alive. I think marriage counselors often err on the side of teaching people how not to ruffle feathers, rather than how to be resilient when your partner is not happy with you. Too much PC culture!

He also gives some good ideas about how to keep sexual desire alive, and stresses the importance of play. I agree with him absolutely on this. You can't transition in a flash from chores to feeling sexy! OK, maybe men can.

I did feel that Marshall rambled a bit and spent more time than necessary giving general marriage advice, rather than staying focused on his main topic. But overall, it is a great book that should be very helpful to both therapists and couples.