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Note on Terminology and Editing ix
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xix
Real People: Setting the Stage for the Book 1
The Source of These Final Conversations 2
What Are Final Conversations? 2
Americans and Death-Why Is It So Difficult? 3
Why Communicate at the End? 6
Why Look at the Living's Perspective on Communication at the End of Life? 7
I Love You: Goodbye 13
Loving the Dying in Close Relationships 14
Don't Leave Yet! 20
Nothing More to Say 27
Benefits 31
Summary 34
Advice 35
Everyday Messages: Taking Care of Business 37
I'm Not Dead Yet! 37
Maintaining the Relationship for Now 40
Preserving the Relationship into the Future 47
Problems with Everyday Messages 54
Benefits 57
Summary 59
Advice 61
Grace Happens: Spiritual Messages 62
Witnessing Faith 63
Faith Challenged, Faith Found Again 67
Experiencing Spirit 70
Creating Community 78
Benefits 87
Summary 89
Advice 89
Beyond Words: The Power of Nonverbal Communication 91
See Me, Feel Me, Hear Me, Touch Me 92
The Meaning of Space and Time 100
The Importance of "Stuff" 104
Benefits 107
Summary 111
Advice 112
Heartache Released: Healing Damaged Relationships 114
Cleaning Up the Mess 115
Letting Go: Forgiving, Accepting, and Acknowledging 123
Receiving the Surprise Apology 131
Closing a Door, Opening a Window 132
Don't Make It Worse 136
Benefits 137
Summary 139
Advice 141
Growing Up: Maturing Through Final Conversations 142
Children's Final Conversations with the Dying: Being Real 143
Teens' Final Conversations: A Crash Course in Adulthood 151
New Adults' Final Conversations: Challenges in Changing Times 155
Mature Adults' Final Conversations: Role Changes and Getting Real (Again) 159
Benefits 164
Summary 168
Advice 170
Going On: New Directions for the Living 172
A New Attitude: Lessons Learned 172
New Plans, New Paths 186
Benefits 194
Summary 196
Advice 197
You Can Too: Communication Skills for Final Conversations 198
Why Engage in Final Conversations? 200
How to Get Ready for Final Conversations 202
How to Communicate Skillfully 204
When to Ask for Help 210
Summary 214
Epilogue: Final Thoughts and Reflections 217
Research Participants and Graphics 221
Suggested Readings and Resources 228
Index to the Living 231
Index 232
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