Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires (Focus on the Family Series) Book

I wanted to type some notes from this book because I intend to send it along to another woman...I pinned it but was also skeptical..."oh, here's another woman who floats instead of walking because she's so holy." But then the author is very forthcoming with her own weaknesses and struggles...she even admits that she once threw cold water on her husband while he was asleep in bed! I appreciated that she was so honest about her own brand of crazy.

I snatched up a few valuable nuggets from this book that stood out to me as things I haven't considered before along with a lot of other good reminders...like praying and praying, turning to God for identity and self-worth, stuff like that, but these were some of the things that stood out to me:

- The verse "I tell you the truth: whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me." (Matthew 25:40) She applied this verse to marriages. When I don't feel like I can respect my husband or show him kindness, he becomes 'the least of these' and when I choose to honor him anyway I touch the heart of God. I think this applies in so many circumstances in life...when our kids are being difficult our even when my dogs aren't being obedient...when I choose to act in grace and kindness, even when no one is looking, I think God is delighted.

- There are times when I'm like "how could you let that happen, God?" Like when I see people who are hungry or homeless, but God has placed ME near that need, and he's not ignoring that person because he's ministering to them through me. God's kingdom comes through his people living out his word and his will in dark places.

- In Genesis, when God was creating, he called everything 'good' after he was done creating it. The only thing he said wasn't good was this: "The Lord God said, 'it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" :)

- The author touches on the power of femininity, and how we can wield it for good or for bad. "The influence of applied femininity is, by any measure, incredibly determinative." I want to be productive and constructive with my words with each member of my family and the people I interact with each day. It's a powerful thing.

- My huz and I were laughing about this quote from John Eldridge: "Every man has a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." We were singing Peter Cetera's 'Glory of Love' song. But I do agree that men want to feel like a badass...they want their masculinity affirmed. He wants to know I feel safer when he's around. It's okay to ask for help getting the jelly jar open or reaching something.

- The book touches on sex a lot, which is awesome because men think about it ALL the time. All I'll say is you wouldn't expect a little book like this to ignite your sex life, but it can. :) I don't think a man would ever complain about being kept up late or having a demanding sex kitten too many evenings. There are lots of suggestions for shifting out of mommy mode and into being a lover. She addresses a lot of thoughts that popped up for me like, "I am covered in baby puke and have been wiping snotty noses all day...really?" One pleasant part is to dwell on the Song of Solomon verses: "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glimpse of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" Who doesn't want their hubby to talk to them like that? The book has a lot of sweet ideas that help inspire me to become the beauty my husband wants to pursue, protect and adore. <3

- There's a chapter about supporting his vocation. Let him dream and talk about what he would do if he knew he couldn't fail. Support him with a lovely home life. That one was hard for me because I bring home a lot of our 'bacon' and have always struggled to keep the tidy, sweet-smelling, relaxing home environment while also making the loot we need to pay the mortgage. I loved how she even addresses that, and the exhaustion that stay at home mommies can feel too. There's still a lot I can do to puff him up, make sure I don't clip his wings, and make sure the home is a place where he wants to hang out and enjoy his family and the overall atmosphere. Yes, that sometimes involves turning on his music instead of mine, or folding and putting away the laundry. :)

- Look up 'quarrelsome wife' in the Proverbs. Men would rather gouge their eyes out or be homeless than share their lives with a woman like that. Check!

- Compartmentalizing: an interesting metaphor she paints in this book is that men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. Men compartmentalize: they address one thing at a time in their neat waffle grid and want to see that one thing through to completion. Women are like spaghetti...we're a blend of flavors, thoughts, emotions, and fragrances all at once. It's hard to tell where one noodle begins and the other ends. It helped me to understand Stan...he's working on one thing at a time, but in a way that is SO focused and diligent. When I have my massive to-do list and I can give him one thing to really focus in on and do well he's happier than when I'm obsessing over my long list of details or putting that on him. This also applies to his household chores. I clean in big swoops but he works on cleaning the blinds, dusting a book case closely, or reorganizing our kitchen. It's just how he rolls. I have been really ugly to him because I wanted him to sweep through our house and focus on a lot of things at once to get us ready for company. Then one day I had a hideous meltdown and he DID that I was confused because I usually clean the toilets, tub and floors and I didn't know what I still needed to do. We both have our 'jobs' and our strengths.

- Laugh together, love and affirm each other's insecurities, share dreams and work towards the same goals. That's what we vowed to do on our wedding day!

- Also on the note of 'til death: the author's husband shared a note about how he had blown some money in a bad investment and when he told his wife about it he expected her to respond how he had (devastation!), but she wrapped her arms around him and told him it would be fine. That is the response I want to have...not because I know exactly how it will work out, but because I know who God is and how much he loves us: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19. Another phrase that really captured my heart from this section: "I love you because you are you--forever and ever." That's it.

- There was a section about being a seductress. LOVE. The church cripples women when they are told that their beauty is in vain or that they should cover their hair (i.e. marm down their beauty in their husband's presence). Do I want to whine and emasculate my man or do I want to be the woman whose beauty inspires my husband to support, love and nurture me and our kids? I want my husband to desire me. I want to catch his eye. I Peter 3:6 says that for a woman to be beautiful she must have the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." I think this can be grossly misinterpreted, but the author encourages women to be "feminine and intoxicating...make him feel free to let masculinity surge through him." I loved this.