Canned: How I Lost Ten Jobs in Ten Years and Learned to Love Unemployment Book

I used to wear company-branded baseball caps. I ironed my jeans for casual Fridays. I smiled stiffly as my boss told insipid stories about his daughter's soccer games.

I've spent the last three years sleeping until 3 p.m. and getting drunk at dive bars on your tax dollars. I feel much better now.

What's my secret? Getting CANNED!

From blue collar to white collar, minimum wage to six figures, Franklin Schneider has held every type of job—briefly. He's detasseled corn in Iowa, served time at a doomed Internet start-up, and for one shining moment became the "Most Successful Telemarketer in America." But his search for a fairly compensated, fulfilling position free of pointless drudgery taught him one thing: Such a job does not exist. And if it did, his boss would probably be an a**hole.

If you've ever wanted to go out to lunch and never come back...

If you've ever wanted to respond honestly when a boss asks, "Do you think I'm stupid?"...

If you've ever considered restarting a smoking habit just for an excuse to leave the building every thirty minutes...

This is the book for you.

"I am sure that everyone who is not a Marxist can agree, Franklin Schneider is the type of person this country can do without." —Charles Signorile, ConstitutionallyRight.com

"A towering stylist and a great observer of our times and our culture." —Erik Wemple, Washington City Paper

Franklin Schneider has been a contributor at the Washington City Paper for several years and has written about everything from honeybee Armageddon to street-racing arsonists. His features about being fired repeatedly were some of the most popular in the paper's history. He studied writing at the Writer's Workshop at the University of Iowa. He lives in Washington, D.C.