American Press Humorists eighth annual convention Book

Totally revolting recipes are described as Samper writes biographies of people he despises.



Snippets
I reply, offering them a disarming plate of scrumptious deep-fried mole crickets from the Philippines, but it's not that easy.

Jennifer Jestico was a young violinist good enough not to have to pose in a wet T-shirt on the front of her first CD or peer from behind a curtain of blonde hair with slightly parted glossed lips as though auditioning for a garage calendar.

Emergency Cuisine
I find I'm in the mood for culinary adventure and drop by the butcher for some calves' brains. Last night before falling asleep I dipped into one of my favourite bedside books, Emmeline Tyrwhitt-Glamis's Emergency Cuisine, written in the dark days of 1942 when heavily rationed Londoners had accustomed themselves to an unusual diet, and stray cats and dogs had all but vanished from the city's streets. These dumb chums were pressed into service as extras in the general drama of the war effort, passing through a thousand trusty Radiation gas ovens while acting out their selfless, unauditioned parts which might accuratelyI find I'm in the mood for culinary adventure and drop by the butcher for some calves' brains. Last night before falling asleep I dipped into one of my favourite bedside books, Emmeline Tyrwhitt-Glamis's Emergency Cuisine, written in the dark days of 1942 when heavily rationed Londoners had accustomed themselves to an unusual diet, and stray cats and dogs had all but vanished from the city's streets. These dumb chums were pressed into service as extras in the general drama of the war effort, passing through a thousand trusty Radiation gas ovens while acting out their selfless, unauditioned parts which might accuratelyI find I'm in the mood for culinary adventure and drop by the butcher for some calves' brains. Last night before falling asleep I dipped into one of my favourite bedside books, Emmeline Tyrwhitt-Glamis's Emergency Cuisine, written in the dark days of 1942 when heavily rationed Londoners had accustomed themselves to an unusual diet, and stray cats and dogs had all but vanished from the city's streets. These dumb chums were pressed into service as extras in the general drama of the war effort, passing through a thousand trusty Radiation gas ovens while acting out their selfless, unauditioned parts which might accurately be described as casserole-playing. Dame Emmeline (as she later became in recognition of her bravery while working in the resistance to Woolton Pie) believed that austerity could be taken too far. From her house in Berkeley Square a stream of recipes poured forth, the less eccentric often being espoused by the Women's Institute and published in popular magazines. She regularly netted the gardens in the middle of the square to produce, according to season, owl tartlets, pigeon strudel, a fudge of robins, blackbird pâté and, on one notable occasion, nightingale fritters. She discovered that the anti-aircraft battery gunners in Hyde Park were attracting rats with their National Loaf sandwiches and latrine pits, and it wasn't long before she was trapping the rodents in sufficient quantities to bake the celebrated Pied Piper pies she then sold to Fortnum & Mason, donating the revenue to the Red Cross.



Paradise was just not for Adam and Eve
Adam and Eve, the world's first householders, had their lease on Eden rudely foreclosed and were obliged to relocate to one of Mesopotamia's less fashionable parts, of which - then as now - there was no shortage. Eve later remarked that aside from the occasional snake Eden hadn't been a bad place to live. 'The fruit was fabulous. Basically, though, just too many trees. We weren't that sorry to leave, actually. If you wanted any sort of social life, well, forget it, the place was dead. But dead. We couldn't throw even the smallest dinner party for a few friends because we simply didn't have any. There was literally no one else to invite apart from some old gardener with no conversation who turned nasty at the end.'



As a biographical writer of people with strange personalities Gerald Samper can balance these against his truly revolting cooking.


Enjoy!