The Perfumed Garden: Erotica Behind the Harem Walls Book

I first have to give credit to my husband because as I was reading this I became impressed with him; I realized how good I have it. He is amazing in the bedroom. It seems so easy for him to put me first in his life. He does nearly everything for me that was discussed in this book. He would be ecstatic to know that he is the "King of the Bedroom." Hopefully that isn't too much information.

I wanted to read this with hopes of what to look forward to for our sex life after I am done nursing our baby. I have been pregnant or nursing for the past 11 years so I am hoping to regain some semblance of a sex drive because as of now my mojo is nonexistent. Where's a book that addresses that issue with moms?

This book was straightforward and to the point. I liked that the author did not shy away from the details of sex. I hate when books supposedly talk about sex but they are vague and not helpful in the least. I will say though that a bit of it came off as chauvinistic and degrading to women. It favors the male ego emphasizing how important sex is to him and women were sometimes an afterthought. One such reference said that when a man was not in the mood for sex the woman could begin to take responsibility for her own pleasure'how insulting! Yet when a woman was not in the mood it alluded to her giving into a quickie for her man as if she was obligated to. If I'm not in the mood it means I do not want anything at all and I don't think I should feel guilty about it. As a woman I do not want, or deserve, to feel used and as a result become resentful. I disagree with some points. There were some harsh stereotypes that made men out to be selfish and insensitive while women were to be submissive.

What I did appreciate were the examples on saying "no" in a positive way so the man does not feel rejected and eventually quit initiating sex. Sometimes if I have had a hard day I will let my husband know that I will plan a good time the next night so he knows I still want to be with him. He would rather I be into sex anyway than be dead in the bed. It's better for the both of us.

I agree that a good sexual experience, or sex life for that matter, seems to depend mostly on the woman because a man feels the most fulfilled when the woman is satisfied. "For sex to be memorable from both the male and female perspective, the woman needs to be fulfilled. I have never heard a man complain 'She had a great time and I didn't. All she cared about was herself and her own pleasure. She had her way with me and then left.'"

I liked the interpretations he gave for the woman's clothes at bedtime, they were a silly exaggeration because sometimes you wear something because that color looks good on you. For instance, if she wears black lace or garters she is giving a clear signal that she wants to have sex. She knows what she wants and it is intense, hot, and lusty. If it's a black bra and underwear she is in a more seductive and aggressive mood. Whereas in a white silky satin outfit, she may feel sensitive, gentle, and loving. I thought it was funny when old cotton flannel pajamas were on the list as "not in the mood." So true. That's when I want to be comfy and relax. I was surprised there was no mention of the color red. Red seems to give my husband the signal that I want it and I will probably take over and be passionate. I think it fits in the lusty category.

It touches on the difficulties of a woman's day-to-day tasks which I related to as a stay-at-home mom. "The more a woman is focused throughout her day on caring for and giving to others, the less aware she is of herself and her own sensual desires." I find that to be true in my life. I agreed with the advice for a man to plan out the details for such things as their dates. When a man handles the details, the woman can then relax and feel taken care of. This helps me so I don't feel like sex is just another task I need to do, instead I feel loved and want to be more affectionate toward my husband. I really feel appreciated when he takes care of our kids at bed time or does the cleanup after dinner. If we acknowledge how hard each of us works then we keep our relationship more meaningful.