Kannōron Book

Before biff and chip, before the alphabet books, this is the first book i ever read. i remember well being read this book as i nodded off to sleep, and the pleasant dreams that would follow. as a
four year old this book meant a lot to me, it completely shaped my views on literature and what a book meant to people. at age 8 i killed a man. that has nothing to do with this book, just thought i'd mention it. anyway, without this book i would never have got that job as a basketball player for the detroit pistons. no homo.

this book is about the human condition and what it means to be a working class youth in 16th century london. this is why this book appealed to me so. it can speak to people on all walks of life, no homo.

i killed a man once. but anyway....

this book started the second world war. i have no evidence for this, yet still i believe it. but anyway, this book is awesome. my favourite part is when the nasty old witch realises we're all the same in the end, and we are all born equal. then she bones the elevator attendant. no homo.

anyway, i killed a man. but yeah, this book changed my life. after reading this at the age of 213, i realised life was not a game, that we must make each day as important as the last, and that pandas are spies for Belgium. no homo.

this book taught me about how a robot works. now i will apply to robot wars and design a robot that can kill all others, maybe even one day rule the world. it sounds silly, bu this book truly filled me with hope, which is what a book should not do. honestly, this book is a bad influence on everyone that reads it. i let a person live once. homo.

did you ever go to sea world? it was about several sexual positions and how keith chegwin ruled monday night television. he didn't. but he wished he did. no homo.

anyway, this book was written long ago, which is cool cos a lot of things happen long ago (e.g. trousers, the beubonic plague, hitler, TISWAS, the list goes on). i think people should read this book so that everyone understands the true meaning of christmas. no santa.

as a toddler, this book scared me. i didn't understand. but now. the end. no homo.

so yeah, this book taught me how to walk, you wouldn't believe it but its true. this book is all about walking places. it just got a bad rep for being about the murder of alsations, but no, it is about how to walk.

so please, read this book and die. homo.

from the reviewer of this book,
Salmand Rushdie.