Love That Works: The Art and Science of Giving Book

This book was really something. I picked it up out of desperation: I had a News Year's resolution to read 20 books, so I had to supplement with some audio books. I picked up this and a half dozen others. With that in mind, I didn't realize that this was a book written from a Christian perspective. Though I'm a practicing Christian and may be bias by that, I think it's worth reading regardless of your Faith.

What I thought was most compelling about Love That Works is the historical portions of the book. It considers historical conceptions of love, love in other cultures, and what love came to mean what it does in western, mainstream culture.

Then, the book went into the standard divisions of love that Christians, perhaps others, speak. I'm going to change the words here for clarity in ascending order of value: aesthetic/erotic, friendship, and unconditional/selfless love. Brander argues that the not only are marriage/interpersonal relationships squarely within the eros form of love; they are a perversion of it. Our marriage relationship are about personal enjoyment whether through sex, money, or just someone that you enjoy their company. Eros is as much about personal proclivities as it is about appreciating beautiful art for example.

Brander mixes in a number of studies and facts that support his historical claims and current trends while also offering evidence that a conventional Christian understanding of marital relationships, no cohabitating or sex prior to marriage, etc. are the healthiest and most meaningful ideal. It's important to note, however, that several of his sources are some Christian organizations that have a vested interest in finding facts that would support this type of marital relationship. That said, Brander knits together a plausible worldview with both empirical and normative claims.

Ultimately, he asks the reader to work on your understanding of love and grow in your ability to love unconditionally. This was a powerful call to action! I've read many books on love, including other love is a verb-type books that I would include this one in (at least partially), that don't mention hide nor hair of practicing love, growing your capacity to love, and creating a habit of unconditional love.