The New Marriage Book

INTRODUCTION	1
PROLOGUE	11
PART ONE THE FIRST MOUNTAIN: INNOCENCE	15
Base Camp	17
Chapter One: First Love	19
How We Learn and Think as Children—Attachment Style—Who Am I?—All
or Nothing—It's All About Me—Magical Thinking—Image: The Bridge
of Magical Thinking—Dependency/Fear of Abandonment—Sibling
Rivalry—Couple Exercises
Chapter Two: Heartbreak	41
Rapturous Love: The First Summit—Into the Valley—Disappointment——
Exercise The Shadow—Buck and Nadine—Witches and Giants—Seeing
through the Shadow
Chapter Three: Who Am I Really?	53
Taking Back Your Shadow—The Judge—Snake—Brain Logic
Chapter Four: Who Are You?	63
Negative Perceptions—Projection—Perceptual Barriers—Faultfinding
and Blame—Gaming—Soft Eyes—Connecting the Dots—Sorting Reality—
Empathy—Reaching Out
How to Build a Better Relationship: Scientific and Spiritual
Maps	73
John Gottman and the Parable of "The Prodigal Son"	76
Valley SurvivalKit: Exercises for Facing Your Tigers	81
Chapter Five: Who Are We?	89
The Path to Mature Love—The Enemy Within—Differentiation—Learning
New Behaviors—Climbing Toward Transformation—Heroic Moments The
Power of Combined Consciousness—GEAR
PART TWO THE SECOND MOUNTAIN: TRANSFORMATION	107
Chapter Six: Communication and Intimacy	109
Active Listening—Communication Tips—Communication Techniques
Chapter Seven: What Really Comes after "Happily Ever After"?	115
Choosing Your Own Attachment Style—\\Transformation Exercise—
The Trek to Transformation Mountain—Climbing Transformation
Mountain—Steps up Transformation Mountain—The Transformed Heart
Transformation Exercises	125
Appendices	127
Recording Your Dreams	127
The Enneagram—A Window Into The Self	130
Bibliography	133
Index	137