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Introduction 1
1 Mothering 7
Mother as the tree of Life 7
Mommy is what we are made of 9
Who can mother? 10
The good-enough mother 11
Good Mother messages 12
What happens when Good Mother messages are absent? 16
What does it mean to be undermothered? 18
2 The Many Faces of the Good Mother 20
Mother as Source 21
Mother as Place of Attachment 23
Mother as First Responder 25
Mother as Modulator 26
Mother as Nurturer 30
Mother as Mirror 31
Mother as Cheerleader 34
Mother as Mentor 35
Mother as Protector 39
Mother as Home Base 40
3 Attachment: Our First Foundation 42
How do we become attached, and what is secure attachment? 42
Why is attachment so important? 44
How can I know if I was securely attached to my mother? 46
What if I wasn't securely attached? How would that look? 47
What is attachment-related trauma? 54
Maybe I wasn't securely attached to my mother, but is it really fair to hold her responsible? 54
Can I still develop secure attachments if I've only partially done so in the past? How would this help me? 55
Identifying attachment figures 56
What is my attachment style? 57
Can I have more than one style? 60
Does my relationship with my mother really affect later relationships? 61
How difficult is it to change attachment patterns? 62
4 More Building Blocks 63
Feeling safe and secure 63
A happy home 65
When things go wrong, they can be fixed! 66
A sense of belonging 67
The budding self 67
A place to grow 68
Support for being a child 70
Touch 71
Love is the medium, love is the message 73
5 Mommy, Where Were You? 75
The hole where Mother was supposed to be 75
The need for Mother's physical presence 77
What happens when Mother is not emotionally present? 78
Mutual standoff 81
Thirty possible reasons Mother wasn't there 83
How a child interprets Mommy's absence 85
When Mother is the only one there 86
Original Loss 91
6 Voices of the Undermothered 93
Who was that masked woman? 93
Slim pickin's from Mom 95
Lack of mentoring 97
Missed connections 98
The mechanical mom 99
Is anyone watching? Does anyone care? 101
Culeless 103
No place to go for help 103
Feeling like a motherless child 105
No mother, no self 107
No anchor 108
Common challenges of the undermothered 108
What helps 113
7 Healing Mother Wounds 117
The cover-up 117
Discovering the wound 118
Reframing "defects" as deficits 119
Working through your feelings 120
Journaling 122
The healing power of anger 123
Leaving the past 126
8 Psychotherapy: Mother Issues and Mothering Needs 128
Parallels with the Good Mother 130
Special considerations in attachment-oriented work 132
Touch in therapy 134
Re-mothering 135
From isolation to secure attachment 139
Therapist as "Teaching Mommy" 141
9 Connecting with Good Mother Energy 143
Opening to the Good Mother 143
Archetypes 144
Working with imagery and symbols 145
Help from the Divine Mother 146
Taking on the "good" of the Good Mother 147
A second chance at finding a Good Mother 148
Meeting mothering needs with partners 149
Your portable Good Mother 157
10 Inner Child Work 159
An introduction to inner child work 159
The child as mother to the self 162
"Partswork" 163
Becoming your own best mother 167
Creating a safe place for the child 170
Time together 171
Working with Good Mother messages 171
Healing the unloved child 173
Changing your mind 174
11 More Healing Steps and Practical Strategies 175
Identifying specific "holes" 176
Taking a proactive approach 178
The hole of support 179
Getting support now 181
A sense of confidence 183
Navigating the world of emotions 185
A place in the web 188
Showing up and being seen 189
Embracing your needs 190
Practicing good self-care 192
Cultivating a capacity for intimacy 193
Protecting what is precious 194
Finding your power 195
Stepping out of deprivation consciousness 197
General tonics 200
12 Changing the Story 202
Your mother's story 202
Your story 206
The dance between you 207
How do I not pass this along to my children? 208
What about Mother? 209
Holding your process/holding your self 211
Does healing ever end? 212
Appendix 214
Notes 216
Resources 220
Acknowledgments 223
Index 224
About the Author 228
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Add The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed, Was your mother too busy, too tired, or too checked-out to provide you with the nurturing you needed as a child? Men and women who were undermothered as children often struggle with intimate relationships, in part because of their unmet need for materna, The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed to the inventory that you are selling on WonderClubX
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Add The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed, Was your mother too busy, too tired, or too checked-out to provide you with the nurturing you needed as a child? Men and women who were undermothered as children often struggle with intimate relationships, in part because of their unmet need for materna, The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed to your collection on WonderClub |