Boy Meets Girl Book

Let me say up front that I enjoyed this book more than Joshua Harris' first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Not that that book was a dud or anything, but Boy Meets Girl has Harris in the now-married-and-able-to-look-back-on-courting role. This made all the difference. The thing that I appreciated most about this book was the constant focus on the heart. So many in the church are consumed with rules for the sake of rules. Rules are necessary and good, but only when they flow out of a heart that desires to honor God.

So many have caricatured Josh Harris in the years since his first two books came out that it's refreshing to actually read his words and not depend on what others think they know about his views. With the benefit of hindsight, Harris outlines the essentials of a healthy, God-honoring courting relationship. His main goal is to help young people figure out how to know that they are ready for marriage. Along the way, the dozens of interviews and personal stories illuminate his general principles in specific ways. Having real-life stories introduce and/or conclude a section or chapter was more helpful than excess explanation from Harris.

Here's some highlights:

Chapter Two is really important as it introduces us to the concept that courtship (as opposed to dating) is all about being purposeful in a guy-girl relationship. This is a direct shot across the bow of today's casual dating and "hooking up" culture. Harris is also careful to point out that he's not stuck on the term "courtship." Call it what you will, but his desire is for purposeful, pure relationships.

Chapter Three contrasts romance and wisdom. By romance, Harris means the emotions-first fare that is constantly served up by Hollywood. One is ready for courtship "when you can match romance with wisdom" (48).

Chapter Six's provocative title (What To Do With Your Lips) introduces a helpful discussion of communication that is often ignored or psychologized. The five principles laid out here are very practical and easy to evaluate.

Chapter Seven takes on the roles of men and women and challenged Christian young men to stand up and be men in their private lives and in their relationships with women. Harris does not ignore the women and gives them several helpful pointers from a guy's point of view.

Chapter Nine is the one most people skip to because it's essentially the "SEX" chapter. Harris' opening anecdote (140-143) really resonated with me as something that most guys understand and acknowledge but don't allow themselves to get serious about. I thought that Harris' Scripture-saturated approach to sex and its beauty and its dangers was well-balanced. Much of this chapter can be seen in Harris' Sex is Not the Problem; Lust Is.

Chapter Ten deals with a mistake-filled past and the forgiveness that is in Jesus. Chapter Eleven has ten solid questions to answer before you get engaged. Chapter Twelve wraps up the book in a positive, encouraging, commissioning way.

I did not read the "Eight Great Dates" appendix in the 2005 edition.

I would say that every Christian parent and every Christian teen ought to read this book, if for no other reason than to actually have to think about being purposefully headed toward marriage.