Brother and Sister Book

I have recently found my biological brother after a very long search covering years and I looked very hard to find a book that would help me sort out some of my feelings. I found that not only were there hardly any books on adoptions period, but that the library collection of them was even worse. I finally decided on this one because even though the synopsis was not the same as what I was living, it was still similar.

I really felt like the author nailed it. There were so many times I was reading the book and would think, "That's absolutely true. That happened!" I wish I had made notes to comment on as I can't remember all of them now, but the book was very believable.

[Spoiler alert:]
Towards the end when you learn about Steve's affair (although I have major issues with calling sleeping with a person one time an affair, but regardless), I was stunned. I was totally on Nathalie's side and couldn't believe that he could have cheated on her. And then I realized that when I finally found my brother, we devoted our entire time to each other. My husband had made a comment to me that I shouldn't forget about him, and my brother's wife had gotten upset at the amount of time we were in contact with each other. And that's when I realized that that does happen.

When Betty told Cora that the photo she had of Nathalie was enough and Cora insisted it was not nearly enough, I got it. Having a picture of my brother meant nearly nothing to me. You want to take the relationship further - you want to see what will happen, how this other person turned out.

And then when they did meet, and they found out that they may be blood, but they were two different people, with different lifestyles - another thing spot on. You think you're going to have an instant connection - and some people absolutely do, but for others, you spend a lot of time struggling to regain things (time) that you will never be able to regain.

When I read that Carole's family was leaving for her first visit with David, but that they would be back later, it didn't even dawn on me how detrimental that could be. Until she revealed to David that her husband and sons wanted to meet him. He was stunned and I pictured a "deer in headlights" look upon his face. My brother and I still have not met family beyond spouses because nearly four months in, we still aren't 100% sure about our relationship. Telling your biological son that your husband and others sons are going to meet him that day is such a bad idea - unless you have discussed it first.

Just in these examples, the story is extremely realistic, and I encountered this throughout the book. I am glad that such a book was written and only wish that the number of books available on the topic were greater. Having said that, I think Trollope really did it well.

One issue I had with the book was the ending. It just stopped. I don't expect that everything would be wrapped up all perfectly, but I expected some sort of closure. Some sort of winding down all that the author had started. Second issue is that there were a lot of characters and I often got Daniel and David confused and more than once I had to stop and think about who Steve was because I couldn't remember. Lastly, there was a lot of lead up of the book, but not much of a climax. They each met their mother once and that was it. I have done a lot of research throughout my own journey and found that that's just not accurate. Sure, some people see each other once and never again, but the majority do stay in touch, at least through email or phone calls. The idea that Nathalie and David would meet their mothers once and then the book would end is unrealistic and sloppy. There could have been significantly less build up, and more time spent on developing a relationship (or lack thereof) with their mothers. There was a lot of potential there, but instead it just ended.