Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years Book

Acknowledgments     ix
Introduction: Proactive Parenting     1
Understanding Your Child's Behavior- and Misbehavior
"Are You My Mommy? Are You My Daddy?" The Beginnings of Identity     9
Differences in Development: Identity, "Attachment," Connection, and Resiliency     15
Identity and Your Child's Complex Background     29
Connection, Survival Skills, and Family Skills     36
Resiliency and Reactive Coping Behaviors     50
Memories from a Complex Background     63
Key Parenting Strategies
Providing a Framework for Fragmented Memories     74
The Roots of Identity: We Are Alike, We Are Different     87
Connection Activities and Games     96
Eye Contact and Face-to-Face Interaction     104
Joyful Play, Language, and Connection     111
Sleep, Connection, and Separation     127
Teaching Your Child to Self-Soothe and Self-Calm     146
Sensory-Motor Integration and Stimulation Management     165
"Ping-Pong" Interactions for Connection and Reconnection     185
Making Rules and Limits Work     191
Repairing Disconnection between Child and Parent     202
Encouraging Adjustment and Interdependence     207
Structuring Transitions, Separations,and Work/Life Decisions     223
As Your Adopted Child Grows Up
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Questions and Answers about Birth, Past, and Present     236
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Separation and Reunion     242
Adoption Issues from Three to Five: Dictators and Bosses     259
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Making Choices about Race, Culture, Ethnicity, and Identity     273
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Creating a Deeper and More Detailed Adoption Story     284
Adoption Issues from Six to Nine: Acting Out, Being "Perfect," and Other Challenging Behaviors     297
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: New Bodies, New Pressures     309
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Identity Challenged and Reinforced     329
Adoption Issues from Ten to Twelve: Independence without Disconnection     343
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: In the Shadow of Independence     355
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: How Self-Control Happens, and What to Do When It Does Not     369
Adoption Issues in the Teen Years: Mixed Heritages, Fluid Identities     399
Last Words     413
Teaching Your Child Your Language     414
Bibliography     417
Index     424