Contents
Foreword....................ix
Acknowledgements....................xi
The Backward Section....................xiii
Post-Backward Section....................xix
Introduction....................xxi
Why People Go Postal....................1
Kentucky Bleu Grass Blues....................9
In Flanders's Fields the Coffee Grows....................14
Leave It to the Beaver....................17
Invest in NASA!....................19
Stop the War Against Mosquitoes!....................21
Say Whatever You Bleeping Want....................23
Stop the Evildoers!....................25
Green Light Blues....................27
A Knowledgeable Friendly Story....................30
The Turn of the Screw....................33
Dealing with Difficult People....................36
Multiculturalism in the New Society....................38
The Ghost of Christmas Future....................41
Boxed In....................44
Say Cheese!....................46
Einstein's Time Management....................49
Snails and Puppy Dog Tails....................52
Defending Tradition....................55
The Thing That Wouldn't Go Away....................58
Metaphor....................61
A Glass Half Empty....................64
Age Spots....................67
On the Existence of God....................69
Licorice and Old Lace....................71
Light Traveling in a Vacuum....................74
The Smile of a Sphinx....................77
E-gads and E-mail....................79
Living in the Fray....................82
The Firefly Fields of Gleneagle....................85
The Appliance is the Message....................87
Humidex Values....................89
Wooden Spoons and Eyebrows....................91
High Speed in Hell....................93
Concrete Impressions....................96
Time Warps....................98
Ten-Digit Hand Gliding....................100
Einstein's Lesser Known Theory....................103
Tutti-Frutti Squared....................106
How to Lead a Simple Life....................109
A Hallowe'en Scary Story....................114
A Kafka Christmas....................119
A History of Shopping....................121
Myrtle of Alcove....................125
Eggnog Cappuccino....................128
A Leap of Faith....................130
Grey-haired Guinea Pigs....................133
The Bar-Code Barbarians....................136
Stalking Murray Orlando....................138
The Butterfly Monologues....................141
The Chickadee....................144
Opus 67 in B-Flat-Screen....................146
Banking on Fear....................148
Greedful Things....................151
Cherry Nougat Flame Delight....................153
The Get-Over-Yourself Self-Help Book....................155
Putting Stress on Hold....................158
Leacock Latté....................161
Window Pains....................164
Coal Dust Lament....................166
Elderberry Whine....................168
How to be a Snarky Bitch....................170
Is It Safe?....................173
The Eyes of Mars....................176
Phoney Baloney....................179
A Parent's Necessity....................182
Crack Credit....................184
Diamonds before Swine....................186
Much Ado About To-Do....................188
Floored....................191
Transmogulated SIV's....................193
It's a Warm World After All....................196
A Winter's Day....................198
A Neighbourhood Christmas....................201
Inclement Weather....................204
Stop Everything!....................207
Traitors....................209
Catatonia....................211
Pressure? What Pressure?....................213
Feeding the Machine: The Pre-Job Interview....................216
Feeding the Machine: The Job Interview....................219
Remotely Controlled....................221
Stoogeology by G Budziszewski....................224
Please Don't Feed the Banksters....................226
Water Water Everywhere....................228
Shopping Cart Psychology....................230
The Black Fly Effect....................233
Stop the Dog!....................235
Apple Cores....................237
Sailing Through Life....................240
A Bad Hair Day....................242
DisCERNning Minds....................245
Reality Bites....................247
Gizzards and Gizmos....................249
Pretty in Pink....................251
Measuring Happiness....................254
Been Tired Lately?....................256
The Fifth Winter....................258
Frugal Frights....................260
Whereto Webpitaph?....................263
American Thanksgiving....................266
Cape Breton/Quebec Relations....................269
The Unbearable Lightness of Beans....................272
Wallsmart....................275
Decorative Details....................278
The ER Zone....................281
Google Smoogle....................284
The Unspeakable Truth....................287
Engulfed....................290
Hallowe'en Story....................293
Like That's Going to Happen....................296
Of Mice and Men....................299
Pining for the Fjords....................302
The Seven Plagues of My 52nd Birthday....................305
Conversational Condiments....................308
