Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable Book

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: A Book Is Born xiii

Prelude: A Little Bit Pregnant xvii

Chapter 1 The First Month 1

Choosing an OB 2

The No-No List 5

Sore Boobs 8

Morning, Noon, and Night Sickness 11

Gas! 16

Resentment Toward Your Hubby (or Ferret) 18

Tests, Tests, and More Tests 20

Dreams and Other Nightmares 21

To Tell or Not to Tell 22

Pregnancy Math 25

How to Eat for Two 27

Chapter 2 The Second Month 31

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman with Child 32

Your Superhero Nose 34

Pregnancy Junkie 35

Spotting 37

I Need to Lie Down 39

Oh My Achin' Head 40

"Urine" for Fun 41

Miscarriage 42

Sex During the First Trimester 45

Chapter 3 The Third Month 47

I Can't Breathe! 48

Is My Baby Okay in There? 50

Here I Grow Again 51

A New Wardrobe 53

The Name Game 56

Your Newfound Celebrity 58

Drooling 59

My Bloody Nose 61

Beware of Your Nipples 62

Genetic Testing 65

Chapter 4 The Fourth Month 69

Hyperemesis 70

Sex During the Second Trimester 72

The Ultrasound 74

I'm Scared! 77

Vaginal Discharge 79

Toilet Troubles 81

Bloody Gums 84

Boy or Girl? 85

Chapter 5 the Fifth Month 69

Pains under Your Uterus 88

Your Cheesy Belly 90

You're So Vein 92

Who Asked You? 94

Third Nipples and Other Gross Things 96

That's a Hormone of a Different Color 99

Backaches 101

Sciatica 102

Chapter 6 The Sixth Month 105

Hair, There and Everywhere 106

Leg Cramps 108

Belly Touching 109

An Itchy Stomach 110

Incompetent Cervix 111

What, Me Exercise? 112

Oops, There She Goes! 115

Pains in the Tuchus 118

Chapter 7 The Seventh Month 123

Swelling Ain't Swell 124

Temporary Insanity 126

Sex During the Third Trimester 127

Toxemia: The Pressure Is On 129

Third-Trimester Bleeding 131

Braxton Hicks 134

I Can't Sleep 136

Gestational Diabetes 138

Bed Rest 140

Chapter 8 The Eighth Month 145

Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot 146

Yeast Infections 148

Stretched to Extremes 149

Heartburn 151

"Urine" for Even More Fun 154

Incontinence: A Condition That's Sure to Piss You Off 155

Numb and Number 157

Stop That Kicking! 159

How the Hell Is This Thing Coming Out? 161

Don't Breech to Me 164

Birth Plan 165

Chapter 9 The Ninth Month 171

Baby Shower 101 172

Nesting Instinct 177

Birthing Classes 179

Nursing Bras 182

Decorating the Baby's Room 184

Taking a Tour of the Hospital 186

Am I in Labor? 188

False Labor 190

How to Start Labor 191

Chapter 10 Let the Bloody Show Begin 195

Inducing 197

"Lookie Loos" 200

How to Breathe Through a Contraction 202

Gimme Drugs 205

How to Push with a Passion 208

Episiotomy: Let 'er Rip 211

The "C" Word 212

Bonding 215

What to Do When Nature Calls 216

Lochia: Who Knew? 220

Got Colostrum? 221

Chapter 11 Home, Bittersweet Home 225

Baby Blues 227

How to Deal with Visitors 230

Better Sleep for You and Your Baby 232

Baby Hygiene 234

Sex after the Last Trimester 236

Sleep Deprivation 239

Muscle Soreness 243

Reconcilable Differences 245

How to Deal with a Crying Baby 247

The Basics 249

About the Third Month 250

Appendix: Resources 253

Index 261