Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Book

I am going to start this review with two contradictory statements: this is an amazing book for laypeople and therapists alike, a total revolution in how we look at romantic partnerships, and very engaging and readable. And I did not finish it.

When I added this book to my "to read" shelf, it was primarily with the hope of being able to help counseling clients to understand their romantic attachments, but when I finally picked it up to read, it was in the hopes of improving my own rocky relationship. My partner was feeling smothered and unappreciated, and I was feeling abandoned and insecure.

As I read, I came to understand that adult human beings are interdependent and have the same attachment needs we did when we were children. But rather than seeking that primary attachment from our parents, we seek it from our romantic partners. This flies in the face of the common idea that as we become adults, we should grow to not need others, and to be able to attend to our emotions without the help of others. As Fanny Brice says in Funny Girl, "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world." And if we let ourselves admit it, aren't we all just people who need people?

She then goes on to talk about the types of "demon dialogues" people get stuck in, and how to put an end to them, as well as how to build intimacy (emotional as well as sexual) once the fighting is over. The process is accessible, and the book is intended for people to use in their own relationships, so it's an easy read.

So why didn't I finish it, you ask? Well I got about 4/5 of the way through, and my partner and I decided our life goals are quite different, and that after 8 years, we would be better off as friends. I tried to keep reading, because I actually found the content of the book to be as useful for my clients as for myself... But given the task of grieving a relationship, I just couldn't do it.

But it's good to know that at a less transitional point in time, this amazing book will be there to come back to, rife with wisdom and relatable information.