Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims Book

Preface     ix
Acknowledgments     x
About the Author     xiii
Every Parent's Nightmare-and Yours, Too!     1
Who Will Benefit From This Book?     2
The High Cost of Ignoring the Problem     3
How Educators Have Overlooked Parents as Partners     4
How to Use This Book With Parents     6
What Bullying and Teasing Do to Everyone-Kids, Adults, and Communities     9
Death Comes to Lake Wobegon     10
When Intervention Stops Tragedy     13
The Pain That Resonates to the Bone     14
How Everyone Loses When Bullying Occurs     14
Why Parents Complain About Schools' Responses to Bullying     17
Parents' Attitudes Toward Public Schools: The Statistics     18
About Those "They Didn't Do Anything" Claims     19
Documenting the Facts on School Interventions     20
How to Talk With Parents Whose Children Are Bullied     27
Parents of Bullied Children: The Two Camps     28
Working With the Actively Involved Parent     29
Working With the Less Actively Involved Parent     35
The "Inverted Curve" and Tension Cycle     39
How to Work With Parents Whose Children Bully Others     47
Some Things to Keep in Mind About the Families of Aggressive Children     47
Television's Impact on Children and Bullying     49
KISSing a Plan Increases the Chances of Success for Everyone     56
The Parent Who Refuses to Cooperate     61
Subverting the Dominant Paradigm     61
Conflict Resolution With Parents Who Refuse to Cooperate     65
Eleven Global Approaches Toward Conflict Resolution     66
Types of Difficult Parents     73
The Parent Bully     73
The Silent Treatment     74
The Staller     75
The Negative     77
The Complainer     78
Know-It-Alls     80
Angels     81
What About Mediation and Negotiation?     82
Helping Parents Talk at Home With Their Children About Misbehaviors     85
Helping Parents Understand Punishment, Accountability, and Restitution     85
Restorative Justice     87
Helping Parents Help Their Child Think About Righting a Wrong     89
What Happens After That First Step?     92
Seven Talking Points for Helping Parents Talk to Children About Being Bullied     97
Help Parents Understand the Importance of Listening to Their Child's Concerns About Bullying and Teasing     97
Asking the Right Questions Will Likely Increase Parent-Child Communication     99
Parents Want to Obtain as Many Details as Possible in an Understanding Fashion     100
Parents Need to Assure Their Children That They Will Work With Them to Find a Solution to the Problem     103
Parents Should Ask the Child's Opinions and Concerns About Discussing the Situation With School Personnel     104
Encourage the Child Not to Respond to Provocation With Violence     107
Parents Should Encourage Their Child to Ask Those in a Supervisory Capacity for Assistance     109
Fair Expectations of Parents and Educators in Solving the Problem of Bullying     113
Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented     114
Once Bullying Has Been Reported, the Parent Has the Right to Expect the Supervisory Authority to Indicate Concern     115
Parents Expect the Supervisory Authority to Investigate the Concern     117
Appropriate Intervention Will Take Place If the Concerns Are Validated     119
The Supervisory Authority Will Communicate With Parents as to the Outcome of the Intervention     120
Never Forget Fair Expectation 1-Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented     122
The Courage to Act     125
References     127
Index      131