Human Relationships Book

Preface     ix
Acknowledgements     xiii
Publisher's Acknowledgements     xiv
Meaning and Relationships in a Biological and Cultural Context     1
Contexts for analysing relationships     2
Biology: the animal background     3
Culture: the large overlay     4
Daily practices and everyday experience     5
Uncertainty and practicality     6
Quality and appropriateness in relationships     9
Communication as a context for 'quality'     10
Communicative contexts for doing relationships     12
Silent language: nonverbal communication     13
Are there social rules about space?     14
Nonverbal systems of meaning     20
[Un]Skillful use of nonverbal cues     23
Speaking up for yourself: using words     25
It ain't what you say: The role of language and paralanguage     25
More about content     29
Using language to relate to other people     31
Putting verbal and nonverbal together     36
Summary     37
Self questions     38
Further reading     38
Practical matters     39
Attachment and Emotion     40
Effects of childhood on later relationships I: attachment     42
Effects of childhood on later relationships II: experiences and observations     46
Life at home and school     47
Interpreting emotions     49
Labelling and expressing feelings     52
Positive emotion: love     56
Are there different types of love?     58
Developing love?     60
The behaviour of lovers     62
Some problematic emotions: jealousy and shyness     64
Jealousy     64
Shyness     67
Summary     69
Self questions     70
Further reading     71
Practical matters     71
Daily Life: The Everyday Conduct and Management of Relationships     72
Starting relationships: biological and cultural contexts of attraction     75
Information and acquaintance: how we reveal things about ourselves     77
Getting to know you: shared meaning     79
Uncertainty reduction     80
Self-disclosure     82
The nature of relationships: everyday management in a practical physical world     85
How strategic are we in making acquaintances?     85
Self-disclosure as a strategic relational activity     88
Establishing, developing and maintaining relationships     90
Do partners always agree about their relationship?     93
Does it matter what 'outsiders' think?     93
Break up and resurrection of relationships     96
When things go wrong     96
Putting it right     100
Summary     103
Self questions     104
Further reading     104
Practical matters     104
Relationships within other Relationships: Social Networks and Families     106
Organizing an exclusive relationship within other relationships     108
The social context for organizing relationships     109
Who makes a relationship work?     111
Getting the relationship organized for outsiders     114
Recognizing two people as 'a couple'     115
Social norms and expectations     117
Organizing the couple's new connections     119
Adding children to the relationship     121
Families and networks     122
Systemic interdependence     125
Happy families?     128
Parents and peers as influences on kids     130
The disorganizing effects of family breakup and reconstitution     132
Children and divorce or reconfiguration     135
Summary     138
Self questions     139
Further reading     140
Practical matters     140
Influencing Strangers, Acquaintances and Friends     141
Relating is persuasive and vice versa     144
Persuading strangers, acquaintances and friends     144
Everyday persuasion     146
Influencing strangers     147
Strangers on the train     148
Being noticed     150
The apathetic context     152
The dog owner's dilemma     154
Dissonance     155
Problems with these ideas     155
Logos: Messages and persuasion     156
Reflections     158
Social and relational face: Was it something I said?     159
Everyday talk as persuasive     161
Persuasion and concerns about the relational context     163
The relational network as a morally persuasive context     165
Relationships as hidden persuaders     168
Summary     171
Self questions     171
Further reading     172
Practical matters      172
Technology and the Boundaries of Relationships: it's all Geek to me     173
Crossing relational spaces     175
The Internet as problematic relating     178
Some relational downsides of the technology     185
The Internet as a relational acquisition and development tool     190
Oh give me a phone where the charges don't roam...mobile phones and perpetual availability     192
The mobile self and its mobile relationships     195
Smudging the time boundary     196
Summary     200
Self questions     201
Further reading     202
Practical matters     203
The Management of Relationship Difficulty     204
Four degrees of...separation     205
Hamlet's fardels: the daily binds of relating     209
Whips and scorns: unpredictable events and unwelcome minor stresses/rough patches     213
Some more unusual problems with relationships     218
The darker side of relationships     222
The greyer side of regular relating difficulty     224
Are there difficult people?     224
Triangulation     227
Summary     233
Self questions     234
Further reading      234
Practical matters     235
Some Applications of Relationship Research     236
Relationships are knowledge     239
Relationships are knowledge movers and shakers     241
Applying relational knowledge     243
Speaking to convictions: relationships in legal settings     244
Relationships in the workplace/marketplace     250
Engagement     251
Relationships and health     253
Summary     259
Further reading     260
References     261
Author Index     289
Subject Index     293