Shepherding a Child's Heart Book

Written in 1995 and revised in 2005, Shepherding a Child's Heart begins with the premise that children are sinners in need of Christ. With this foundational assumption, author Tripp lays out what he believes parents should do according to Scriptures in order to shepherd their children into loving submission under their Creator.

The first half of the book breaks down what Tripp believes to be "foundations for child rearing." In this section, he writes about short and long term goals in raising children and about methods for accomplishing them. The second half of the book focuses on the stages of childhood and the objectives and techniques unique to each stage.

Discipline is the core of the book. Tripp clarifies that he believes that child's disobedience is rebellion against God and His command to honor and obey one's parents, and he urges parents to help their children understand this concept. Understanding this opens a door for parents to talk about grace and our need of Christ's supernatural strength to do what He calls us to do. The focus of discipline is not on changing behavior, but addressing a child's heart. The "why" of behavior is weighted far more heavily than the "what."

The two major flaws in the book are lack of control that it gives a child over his own life. Up until the teenage years, parents are urged to make all decisions and to assert authority simply to teach a child submission. Trip maintains that "when we allow our children to become independent decision makers we give them a false idea of liberty and a mistaken notion of freedom." Even in things as trivial as what to eat for breakfast, Tripp urges parents not to allow children the ability to choose. To the opposition that children must learn to make sound decisions by making them under their parent's guidance, he replies that children learn to make good decisions by merely observing their parents doing so on their behalf. To that I say, baloney. This assertion is no more true than saying that a child will learn long division simply by watching the teacher work out problems on the board. Furthermore, it does not take into account a child's individual makeup. Some kids simply need to be more independent than others. To allow them choices within a parent's wishes is wisdom.

My other concern with Shepherding a Child's Heart is that Tripp preaches that spanking is the only real biblical form of corrective discipline. Not only does he equate time outs as emotional child abuse and groundings as useless and ineffective, he goes so far to write that "if you fail to spank, you fail to take God's Word seriously." His support of this is in the few Proverbs passages that tell parents to use the "rod." I take issue to the idea that it is the best and only biblical form of discipline. My problem with this is twofold.

First, from my short topical study of Scriptures, the admonition to use the "rod" is only found in Proverbs. Elsewhere in the Old and New Testament are commands to discipline, but the form is never specified. A Proverb is simply not a Scriptural command, and to build a theology on one is ridiculous. To say that it is sinful not to spank based on a proverbial admonition also means that being afraid is sinful since Proverbs 3:25 says not to be afraid when wicked comes because God will take care of you. Furthermore, the fact that there is no correlating verse in the New Testament is concerning. If you want to take this all the way, you could say that there is more compelling evidence for biblically-mandated polygamy than there is for spanking since it was commanded in the Old Testament and never directly spoken against in the New Testament.

Secondly, you have the realism issue. What about foster children whom, at least in my state, are legally not allowed to be corporally punished? Some children who have suffered from child abuse simply should not be spanked. What about parents that were abused and cannot handle giving corporal punishments without going too far or without pretty significant emotional damage to themselves? What about children for whom spankings are just not as effective? What about older children? Advocating for spankings at the expense of other parental tools is not helpful - especially when you add in the insinuation that parents who choose otherwise are sinning. And I'd go so far as to say that telling a child to be gentle and kind and not hurt others while using physical pain and calling it love is very confusing at the very best for kids. More and more research is coming out that shows real and last damage takes place when small children are subjected to spankings as a form of discipline.

My last issue that I'll comment on is simply that Tripp seems completely clueless about child development and appropriate developmental stage. Childishness is seen as sinfulness and disobedience as defiance rather than reasonable and appropriate ways that small children are learning about the world and the expectations on them. Punishment is favored in place of gentle grace and instruction. Assuming the worst intentions and even evil of a child is deemed reasonable rather than seeking a deeper understanding of motivations and cognitive ability.

In summary, Tripp's views on authority and spanking are over the top at best. His brand of parenting is punitive though he tries really hard to show that it isn't. He talks about grace, but really what he means is breaking a child's spirit and demanding conformity and obedience with harshness and pain as needed. Hugs after the fact really don't mean anything. And in my field (trauma and human trafficking), it's a method used by abusers to inflict psychological confusion and trauma bonding on top of it all. Tripp tries to use Scripture to back his opinions up, but a couple of Proverbs and his personal assertions just don't cut it.