Flash effect Book

I really benefited from this and would recommend it to others. About halfway through the book, things started to click. Before that, I felt the book was a little advanced for a regular non-health professional. When it spoke of the pictures we have in our mind, I got it because I love pictures and that is exactly what I see every time I think of something that bothers me or makes me feel happy. These pictures of what is ideal can become very problematic when the picture we see in our mind's eye does not match with the reality - or the picture of our present. Let's say your picture is that you have a husband who is very loving, helpful, generous, dynamic and you just love spending time together (maybe that is how he was when you were dating). However, now the reality in your life is that your husband is distant, preoccupied, selfish and lazy. Now you're faced with conflict. That's when we try to change people - try to gain control of the situation. Sometimes we do it through manipulation and threats. Some even get sick trying to control others. Maybe we start criticizing everything and everyone around us. When we criticize someone, immediately the person feels threatened, defensive, resistant to compromise, and then seeks to protect their hold on control. Criticism can destroy relationships - especially those closest to us like our mate or children. Basically, everyone wants to feel in control on their life. Many of the things we do are self-destructive ways of trying to regain the control we have lost.

These are some quotes that I liked: "Try as hard as possible to teach, show and help your children to gain effective control of their own lives." "Never let people control you with the pain and misery they are choosing." "When our choice to be miserable does not get us what we want, and we believe that there is a better option to choose, we will quickly give up our misery." "We cannot stop ourselves from behavior until we are fully aware of what is frustrating us." "One of the most difficult lessons to master as we struggle to create effective change is to learn not to label something as bad just because it is different from what we want."

Chapter 16, Choosing to be Healthy, had some advice I plan on implementing stat - creative take-charge time. Being creative brings a lot of happiness - as does having hobbies and positive addictions. I love to exercise and I think I may start running. It seems many runners are able to use the time they are running to meditate on positive things, increase or find their creativity while they are in a certain state of mind. Sometimes I have that state of mind where I can think clearly, feel alert and eager to take on the world. Most of the times I'm just overwhelmed and tired. But there are ways to change our thinking which will in turn change our behaviors.

Again, this book was more advanced than what I was expecting - probably I need to read it again to fully understand and cement this into my brain. I was not familiar with choice theory psychology before this but it seems like implementing this in any area of life - with our children, mates, work colleagues, friends - would be beneficial. Even just observing other people's behaviors once we know what to look for can give us insight and the ability to be more effective in our social interactions. Time to take charge of my life:)