Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success Book

	Foreword
	Acknowledgment
	Preface
1	A Different Kind of "Smart"	1
	OldWine in New Bottles?	3
	Going Beyond IQ	6
	EI, SI, or Both?	10
	From Toxic to Nourishing	12
	Blind Spots, Lenses, and Filters	14
	Social Halitosis, Flatulence, and Dandruff	16
	The "Dilbert" Factor	23
	Can We Become a Socially Smarter Species?	25
	S.P.A.C.E.: The Skills of Interaction	28
2	"S" Stands for Situational Awareness	33
	Situational Dumbness and Numbness	34
	Ballistic Podiatry: Making the Worst of a Situation	36
	Reading the Social Context	38
	What to Look For	40
	The Proxemic Context	41
	The Behavioral Context	47
	The Semantic Context	51
	Navigating Cultures and Subcultures	58
	Codes of Conduct: Violate the Rules at Your Peril	61
	Building the Skills of Situational Awareness	66
3	"P" Stands for Presence	69
	Being There	70
	Is Charisma Over-Rated?	72
	Do Looks Matter?	75
	Reading (and Shaping) the "Rules of Engagement"	75
	The Ugly American Syndrome	78
	More ofYou, Less of Me	80
	A Case of Attitude	82
	Building the Skills of Presence	85
4	"A" Stands for Authenticity	87
	Take a Tip from Popeye	88
	It's a Beautiful Day in the SI Neighborhood	90
	The Snap-On Smile: Can You Fake Sincerity?	93
	Left-Handed Compliments	94
	The Puppy Dog Syndrome	97
	Narcissism: It's Really All About Me	98
	Head Games, Power Struggles, and Manipulation	102
	Building the Skills of Authenticity	105
5	"C" Stands for Clarity	107
	A Way with Words	108
	Hoof-in-Mouth Disease: Sometimes Silence Works Best	110
	Role-Speak and Real-Speak	114
	Helicopter Language and Elevator Speeches	116
	"Clean" Language and "Dirty" Language	119
	Verbal Bludgeons	121
	Taking a Brain for a Walk	125
	The Power of Metaphor	128
	E-Prime: the Language of Sanity	130
	Building the Skills of Clarity	135
6	"E" Stands for Empathy	137
	What Destroys Empathy?	138
	What Builds Empathy?	142
	The Platinum Rule	147
	The Irony of Empathic Professions	149
	L.E.A.P.S.: Empathy by Design	152
	Empathy in Four Minutes	154
	Building the Skills of Empathy	156
7	Assessing and Developing SI	159
	Assessing Your Interaction Skills	160
	Self-Awareness: Seeing Yourself as Others See You	166
	Assessing Your Interaction Style: Drivers, Energizers, Diplomats, and Loners	168
	The Strength-Weakness Irony	177
	Priorities for Improvement	180
8	SI in the World of Work: Some Reflections	185
	The Real and Legal Consequences of Social Incompetence	184
	Cultures of Conflict and Craziness	187
	Hierarchies, Testosterone, and Gender Politics	193
	Getting it Right at Work and Wrong at Home	198
	The Diversity Puzzle	200
	Ritual, Ceremony, and Celebration	203
	Positive Politics: Getting Ahead with Your Value System Intact	207
9	SI in Charge: Thoughts on Developing Socially Intelligent Leaders	211
	The S.O.B. Factor	212
	Executive Hubris: Its Costs and Consequences	216
	Best Boss, Worst Boss	219
	P.O.W.E.R.: Where It Comes From, How to Get It	222
	How the Worst Bastards on the Planet Get and Keep Power	224
	The Algebra of Influence	226
	S.P.I.C.E.: Leading When You're Not In Charge	227
10	SI and Conflict: Thoughts About Getting Along	233
	The Double Spiral of Conflict	234
	Why Argue?	241
	Crucial Conversations	243
	Added Value Negotiating	246
	Epilogue: SI and the Next Generation: Who's Teaching Our Kids?	253
	Our Children Are Not Our Children	254
	The (Only) Ten Basic News Stories	256
	Anxiety Drives Attention	260
	Breaking the Addiction to Television	262
	The Buying of Our Babies	265
	Video Games: The New Sandlot	267
	Teachers, Parents, or Neither?	270
	Belonging or Be Longing?	272
	The S.P.A.C.E. Solution for Schools	276
	A Prescription for SI at Every Age	278
	Index	281
	About the Author	289