Positive Pushing: How To Raise A Successful And Happy Child Book

	Special Thanks to	xi
	Introduction: Positive Pushing	xiii
Part I	Self-Esteem	1
Chapter 1	Aren't I Good Enough for You?	5
	Red Flags	8
	Developing Your Child's Sense of Security	8
	Developing Your Child's Sense of Competence	12
	Global Belief	13
	Specific Belief	17
	Specific Belief Without Global Belief	20
	Self-Reflection	22
	Accuracy of Self-Perceptions	24
	Rules for Achievement and Happiness	27
Chapter 2	Can't You Just Love Me for Me?	29
	Red Flags	32
Red Flag #1	Conditional Love	32
Red Flag #2	Dangling-Carrot Love	34
Red Flag #3	Creating a Human Doing	36
Red Flag #4	Unhealthy Parental Expectations	37
Red Flag #5	Unhealthy Praise and Punishment	42
Red Flag #6	Being a Bottom-Line Parent	43
Red Flag #7	Creating a Unidimensional Child	44
Red Flag #8	Perfectionism	46
	Giving Healthy Love	50
	Value Love	50
	Create a Human Being	50
	Healthy Parental Expectations	52
	Healthy Praise and Punishment	59
	Strive for Excellence	61
	Parental Dos and Don'ts	63
Chapter 3	Who Is the Real Me?	67
	Red Flags	72
Red Flag #1	Self-Hate	72
Red Flag #2	Self-Punishment	73
Red Flag #3	Self-Destruction	74
	Developing Your Child's True Self	75
	Know the True Self	75
	Wage War Against the False Self	77
	False Self or True Self: Your Choice	79
Part II	Ownership	81
Chapter 4	Whose Life Is This, Anyway?	87
	Your Needs vs. Your Child's Needs	90
	Red Flags	91
Red Flag #1	Fixing Your Imperfect Self	91
Red Flag #2	Merging with Your Child	92
Red Flag #3	Placing Your Happiness on Your Child's Shoulders	95
Red Flag #4	Losing Perspective	97
Red Flag #5	Overmatching Your Child	99
Red Flag #6	Battle of Wills	102
	Putting Your Child's Needs First	103
	Recognize Your Own Needs	104
	Gain and Maintain Perspective	105
	Understand Your Child's Needs	107
	Avoid the Battle of Wills	108
	Challenge Your Child	109
	The Sibling Factor	110
	Get a Life	111
	Control vs. Nurture Your Child	112
Chapter 5	Who's in Charge Here?	113
	Forced Participation	114
	Guided Participation	116
	Red Flags	117
Red Flag #1	Taking Away the Fun	117
Red Flag #2	Loss of Motivation	117
	Find the Fun Again	118
	Regaining Motivation	120
	Process of Guided Participation	123
	Exposure to Achievement Activities	123
	Time Management	124
	Initial Impetus	128
	Provide Resources	130
	Commitment	131
	Goal Setting	135
	Ongoing Encouragement	139
	Freedom	140
	Your Child's Choice	140
	Suggestions for Raising Successful Achievers	142
Chapter 6	Why Won't You Let Me Grow Up?	143
	Contingent Children	144
	Independent Children	147
	Parent and Child Responsibilities	149
	Your Responsibilities	149
	Your Child's Responsibilities	150
	Red Flags	150
Red Flag #1	Pleasers	151
Red Flag #2	Disappointers	152
Red Flag #3	Reactors	153
Red Flag #4	Frustrators	155
Red Flag #5	Rejecters	156
Red Flag #6	Being Friends with Your Child	157
Red Flag #7	Taking on Your Child's Responsibilities	158
	Raising an Independent Child	161
	Be the Parent	161
	Teach Responsibility	162
	Demand Accountability	163
	Encourage Exploration	165
	Respond to Early Warning Signs	167
	Life Lessons for Ownership	169
Part III	Emotional Mastery	171
Chapter 7	Why Am I So Scared?	175
	Emotional Threat	175
	Emotional Vicious Cycle	176
	Fear of Failure	178
	Fear of Success	180
	Emotional Challenge	182
	Emotional Upward Spiral	183
	Red Flags	184
Red Flag #1	Performance Anxiety	184
Red Flag #2	Punishment Exceeds the Crime	185
Red Flag #3	Self-Defeating Behavior	186
Red Flag #4	Safety Zone	188
Red Flag #5	Unhappy Success	190
	Developing Emotional Challenge	191
	Value of Success and Failure	192
	Risk-Taking	194
	Perspective on Mistakes	197
	Respond Positively to Adversity	198
	Last 5 Percent	199
	Emotional Lessons for Achievement	200
Chapter 8	Will I Be a Child Forever?	202
	Red Flags	204
Red Flag #1	Immature Attitudes	205
Red Flag #2	Immature Reactions to Disappointment	207
Red Flag #3	Immature Reactions to Frustration	208
Red Flag #4	Immature Anger	209
Red Flag #5	Emotional Overprotection	210
Red Flag #6	Assuming Emotional Maturity	211
Red Flag #7	No Emotions	212
	Emotional Maturity	214
	Mature Attitudes	215
	Mature Reactions to Disappointment	217
	Mature Reactions to Frustration	219
	Mature Anger	221
	Emotionally Mature Parents	223
	Don't Forget the Positive Emotions	225
	Keys to Emotional Maturity	226
Chapter 9	What Can I Do?	227
	Emotional Habits	227
	Emotional Victims	230
	Emotional Masters	231
	Red Flags	233
	Raising an Emotional Master	234
	Parents as Emotional Masters	235
	Perspective of Emotional Masters	237
	Choosing to Be an Emotional Master	238
	Developing Emotional Mastery	239
	Emotional Mastery Is a Process	243
	Skills for Emotional Mastery	245
	Afterword	247
	Bibliography	249
	Index	257