From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up Book

"From Boys to Men"

My favorite title: "The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt."

My favorite opening line [from "Whatever Happened to…":] : "Though I can remember being attracted to men at a young age, for a long time I knew very little about being gay except that it was something I didn't want to be."

I agree with Michael, who, in one of his posts to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum, says "This is one of those 'short story' collections ( [in which:] many of the essays feel more like fiction than nonfiction, even if they aren't) that will appeal to those men closer to their coming out party than not." At my age, the "early sexual awareness" shtick got a little tired after a while.

In a light-hearted, wicked moment, I dreamt up some alternate titles for this book:

"From Boys to Slightly Older Boys"
"From Inkling to Doubt to Denial"
" From Playground To Puberty"

It's almost as if a teacher gave everyone the following assignment: Write a 15-page fictional story about your earliest same-sex feelings. Make sure to include the bullies, the older brothers, and the dolls or action figures you liked the best. Here's a stylistic sample to get you started: "Alongside a tree in the rear of a schoolyard in kindergarten was where my first kiss took place." [from "Signs" by Raymonde C. Green.:]

I felt that a number of these stories ended rather abruptly (for instance "The Upshot"). So what are these? Essays? Shortened short stories? Early gay gestalt snapshots? Robin thinks that "the originals were probably longer, and the editors excerpted [them:] so they'd fit into an anthology." Michael feels that they seem more like stories than essays. He writes "Essays? Memoir? Re-imagined ruminations?" Whatever, I feel that most of the writing was competent and generally evocative.

Those members who contributed to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum liked five stories in particular:

"Sleeping Eros" (Michael McAllister)
"No Matter What Happens" (David Bahr)
"Dick" (Alex Chee)
"Terrence" (Joe Jervis)
"Whatever Happened To…" (Aaron Hamburger)

SO did I. I hold a special fondness for "Sleeping Eros" because of the plot twist and the fact that I think it's the only story in which the narrator is not the emergent gay person. Talk about a shocker. Mike's 10 years old and both parents come out to him at the same time in a ridiculously awkward way. So when asked "Do you know what gay means" or "Do you understand?" or "Do you have any questions?," Mike, being totally clueless, feels compelled to lie. At the end of the story, he learns to ride his bike. The very last sentence seems to me a poignant metaphor for his youthful cluelessness: "I stood on the pedals and pumped my legs till the wind filled my ears with meaningless sound."

After reading each story (in most cases) I jotted down some words to sum up the presumed "message." Here they are:

"Sleeping Eros" - immaturity, cluelessness
"The Story I Told Myself" - imagination
"Preppies Are My Weakness" - unrequited love
"Barbie Girls" - 7th graders dating
"Signs" - denial
"No Matter What Happens" - foster child's loneliness
"The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt" - physical appearance, denial
"Dick" - denial
"The Upshot" - brothers
"Guide" - coming out late
"Terrence" - gayness and effeminacy
"The Boy with the Questions and the Kid with the Answers" - childhood bigotry, cruelty
"A Brief History of Industrial Music" - [didn't comment:]
"The Competitive Lives of Gay Twins" - fits in vs. doesn't fit in
"Five Stories about Francis" - [didn't comment:]
"Mom-Voice" - [didn't comment:]
"Growing Up in Horror" - "I was hot for Steve. I knew it." [Oh, really?:]
"Inheritance" - [didn't comment:]
"Whatever Happened to…" - loving straight men, depressing!
"Peristalsis" - age five, six, seven, seven-and-a-half, eight-and-three-quarters, etc.
"Aplysia californica" - surfing and sea slugs

My favorite paragraph (from "Sleeping Eros"):

"Rays of orange streetlights moved over the hood of the car and up the windshield. The week before I had stayed up too late watching Donald Sutherland on television running from aliens, pod people bent on taking over the planet. They looked like everyone else but lacked emotions, and as we made our way home I imagined the streetlights were alien sentinels scanning cars and passengers for joy, anger, or laughter. If they sensed the things I wanted from the man sleeping behind me, they'd snatch me up and carry me off to their oozing nests, and lay a trembling pod beside me, an alien boy inside, his skin running like hot wax till his face matched mine."