Helping Hurting People: A Handbook on Reconciliation-Focused Counseling and Preaching Book

List of Figures and Tables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ix

Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xi

Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii

Introduction: The Potential of Reconciliation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

PART I. INTRODUCING THE RFC MODEL

Chapter

1. Reconciliation-Focused Counseling: In Search of a Lasting Foundation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7

An Overview of the Challenge
A Theology of Emotional and Relational Problems
As Revealed in the Creation Story

2. Reconciliation-Focused Counseling:
Basic Principles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Principle #1: Promote the Ministry of Reconciliation
Principle #2: Prepare the Way for a Divine-Human Encounter
Principle #3: Acknowledge the Need for Therapeutic Trialogue
Principle #4: Maintain a Redemptive/Hopeful Attitude
Principle #5: Make the Most Efficient Use of Time
Principle #6: Emphasize Change in the Thoughts and Behaviors of the Counselee
Principle #7: Be Both Collaborative and Directive
Principle #8: Encourage Clients to Exercise Their Choice-Making Abilities
Principle #9: Recognize the Role of the Counselor as Moral Consultant
Principle #10: Take a Multi-Generational and Contextual View of the Client
Principle #11: Recognize the Holistic Nature of Man
Principle #12: Recognize That If What You Are Doing Is Not Working for You, by All Means Do Something Different Summary

3. Reconciliation-Focused Counseling:
Counselor Qualities/Redemptive Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67

Qualities That Define the "Faithful Presence:
Counselor Characteristics of Redemptive Goals

4. Reconciliation-Focused Counseling:
A Three-Stage Model. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

Outline of the RFC Model
Discussion of the RFC Model
Four Facilitative Processes

PART II. APPLYING THE RFC MODEL

5. Applying RFC in Pastoral Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115

Before We Begin
Depression: A Case Study - Barbara
Worry, Anxiety, Fear: A Case Study - Alex
Marriage Problems: A Case Study - Lori and Tom
Forgiveness: A Case Study - Don and Sandy
Parenting Struggles: A Case Study - The Williams Family
Anger: A Case Study - Bill W.
Alcohol and Substance Abuse: A Case Study - Ted
6. Applying RFC in Pastoral Preaching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167

Before We Begin
A Sermon about Depression: Getting Back on Track (1 Kings 19:1-18)
A Sermon about Confusion and Worry: Diminishing the Distance (Luke 11:5-13)
A Sermon about Marriage Problems: How Marriage Works (Ephesians 5:21-33)
A Sermon about Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness (Genesis 50:19-21)
A Sermon about Parenting Struggles: Blessing the Children (Mark 10:13-16)
A Sermon about Anger: The Destructive Force of Anger (Genesis 37)
A Sermon about Alcohol and Drug Abuse: A Condemning Heart (1 John 3:18-22)

Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203

Appendix

A. RFC Thought Journal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 206
B. RFC Activity Log . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 208
C. Relationship Inventory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 210
D. RFC Common Problem/Symptom Checklist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212
E. RFC Sadness Scale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213
F. RFC Anxiety Scale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 215
G. RFC Suicide Risk Assessment Guidelines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217
H. Managing High Suicide Rick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 220
I. Parenting C-P-R: Straightforward Principles to Enhance Effectiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223
J. RFC Forgiveness Guidelines for Couples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 229
K. RFC Anger Management (Case of Bill W.) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 237
L. RFC Premarital Counseling Guidelines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 246
M. RFC Chemical Dependency Checklist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 251
N. RFC Referral Guidelines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253

Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255

Bibliography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 261

Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 281

List of Figures and Tables

Figure Page
1. Relationship Pendulum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
2. RFC Model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86

Table
1. Primary Emotional Struggles Resulting from the Fall . . . . . . 36