Winning with One-Liners: 3,400 Hilarious Laugh Lines to Tickle Your Funny Bone and Spice Up Your Speeches Book

Michael Ian Black is a guy I know mostly from Sierra Mist commercials and his little quips on VH1's "I Love Pretty Much Everything" shows.

So why on earth did I buy his book? Remainder catalogue, baby.

Overall, this is a pretty good collection of comic essays. In fact, it's sharper and funnier than some I've read by more established (and wealthier) comedians. Just reading the table of contents was enough to provoke a smile. You probably don't even need to read the actual essays. The titles and a good imagination are enough to set you dreaming...

What Would I Be Thinking If I Were Billy Joel Driving to a Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going to Be a Piano

Using the Socratic Method to Determine What It Would Take for Me to Voluntarily Eat Dog Shit for the Rest of My Life

Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow

Yeah. That's one you don't hear everyday.

And if you do decide to read more than the titles, here's a little taste of what you can expect...

From I No Longer Love You, Magic Unicorn

Then there is the small matter of the rent. When we moved out of my parents' house, we agreed that you would pay a small portion of the rent. Obviously you are a unicorn and so you cannot be expected to hold down a job. On the other hand, you are magic, and so getting money should not be a problem for you. I can't help but notice that whenever the rent is due, you plead poverty, and yet you always seem to have enough money for new ribbons for your horn and bows for your tail.

From When I Finally Get Around to Building My Robot, This Is What It Will Be Like

I would like to emphasize that my robot is going to be a "man." Gender is important here because everybody knows that female robots are sex robots. While I have nothing against sex robots per se, I am not going to build one, because if I were going to have sex with something I built, that would be a little like incest, and for the most part, I am against incest. If I do decide to obtain a sex robot one day, I will wait to purchase it until they are both widely available and the stigma of owning one has worn off. Then I will purchase two.

From Instructions for the Cleaning Lady

Now I know there is a tremendous amount of pet dander everywhere. I apologize for that. You would think a fellow who doesn't own any pets wouldn't have this problem. All I can say is, sorry. Just vacuum up the cat hair and dispose of it. Please save all the dog hair.

Black has a certain whininess that should get on my nerves but somehow doesn't. In fact he kind of makes me want to whine right along with him. I'm pretty sure he was picked on in school. And he should probably have a hug.