Too Close for Comfort: Exploring the Risk of Intimacy Book

	Introduction	1
	Old Issues Resurface	2
	Time to Tune Out	3
	In Hot Pursuit of the Perfect Relationship	4
	How Close Is Too Close?	5
	Violence Rears Its Ugly Head	6
Ch. 1	What's It All About, Alfie?	9
	The Nature of Intimacy	9
	Developmental Stages and Intimacy	17
	Ambivalence: A Two-Headed Dilemma	22
	Distance and Closeness Boundaries	28
	Relationship Styles	30
Ch. 2	Fears and Risks	39
	Fear of Exposure	40
	Fear of Loss of Control	46
	Fear of Losing Autonomy	52
Ch. 3	Additional Perils	59
	Fear of Attack	59
	Fear of Disappointment and Betrayal	63
	Fear of Guilt	71
	Fear of Rejection and Abandonment	75
Ch. 4	Reaching for the Stars	83
	Insecurities about Love	84
	Wish for Unconditional Love	86
	Need for Nurturance	87
	Wish for Protection	90
	Desire to Be Special	92
Ch. 5	The Masks We Wear	97
	Hobbies, Addictions, and Other Games	98
	Tuning Out	101
	The "I'm Better Than You Are" Stance	103
	The Mystery Man Approach	108
	The Court Jester	112
	Don Juan and Jezebel	117
	The "I Don't Need Anybody" Attitude	121
Ch. 6	Sex Differences and Attraction	127
	Different Intimacy Styles	127
	Is There Love at First Sight?	132
	The Primary Ingredients of Passion	133
	Other Fueling Factors	142
	The Intensity of First Love	149
Ch. 7	Intimacy and Alcohol Abuse	153
	Needs Served by Alcohol	153
	Alcohol Use and Avoidance	159
	Alcohol Use as Marital Glue	165
	Alcoholism and the Family	169
Ch. 8	Intimacy and Violence	173
	Power and Control	174
	The Partner as a Thing	178
	Competition	180
	Dependency and Isolation	182
	Violence on the Fringes	184
	Garden-Variety Violence: Verbal Sniping	186
Ch. 9	Minimizing the Risks	189
	Identifying Vulnerabilities	189
	Giving Up the Impossible Dream	196
	Self-Exposure in Graduated Doses	200
	Maintaining a Degree of Control and Autonomy	203
	Shedding Unnecessary Guilt	206
Ch. 10	Identifying the Pitfalls	213
	Run-of-the-Mill Transgressions	213
	Emotional Hermits	217
	Passive-Aggressive Types	221
	Blamers	224
	Narcissists	227
	Peter Pan and Cinderella	229
Ch. 11	Improving a Troubled Relationship	235
	Relationship versus Individual Needs	236
	Reducing Demands	240
	Need for Space	244
	Conflict-Free Zones	246
	Heavy Doses of Pleasure and Other Positive Reinforcements	248
	Communication Skills	250
	Conflict Resolution Skills	256
	When All Other Strategies Fail	258
Ch. 12	Happy and Healthy Relationships: Common Ingredients	263
	A Shared Vision	264
	Similar Souls or Opposite Types?	267
	Separate Selves	272
	Emotional Responsiveness	277
	Equity and Social Exchange	281
	Trust - The Bottom Line	283
	Other Factors	284
	In Conclusion	286
	Notes	289
	Index	299