The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression Book

Down, so down, oh! The sorrow, I could drown
Overwhelming emotions, crowding my mind
It gets me down, this mundane grind
Like groundhog day, perpetual recurrence
Day in, day out, such annoyance
I'm starting with the man in the mirror, the Abyss
Lose the Ego, and find my bliss

Depression sucks! I suffer with acute insomnia as a symptom. This is when I do a great deal of my writing during the witching hours. Here is one of my many rhymes:

Insomnia:

 Tick Tock... Tick Tock...Tick Tock

In my head or simply on the wall the sound of the clock

Watching the hands go round and round

The constant repetition of that sound

 

Thoughts reverberating through my head

Over and over feelings of dread

Never ending like a silent pest

Will I ever get some needful rest

 

A crescendo of noise like a freight train through the night racing

A caged Tiger maddened and continuously pacing

An orchestra of voices distracting for sure

Falling asleep is such a chore

 

Oh! My sanity is waning for goodness sake

This feeling of being forever awake

Will I ever fall into slumber? Just a little sleep

And dream nice dreams and have memories to keep

 

The walls are watching, the ceiling, the floor

Oh! Is there anything that can cure?

This Insomnia that plagues me through the night

Eyes wide awake until it gets light

 

It's Four O'clock and outside birds are singing

And still in my mind bells are ringing

Yet deafening the silence around and within

Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! My consciousness needs healing

 

 

Just a snooze, even if fleeting

But all I can hear is my own heart beating

Eyes are sore and forehead throbbing

It's a forlorn melancholy like a Baby sobbing

 

My cat opens one eye with a curious look

As I churn through another chapter of a book

Yet tiredness does not descend on me still

Only a shudder from a sudden chill

 

Insomnia eats away at one's Soul

Black and endless like an ever expanding hole

It's the Witching Hour as I write this verse

I'll only sleep when I am lead in a Hearse

 

In a few hours it'll be time to rise...Oh! the emptiness and pain

And when the day is through...I'll do it all over again

 
By Leo.🐯👍



Depression: Man it sucks!

My soul, it is broken, will it ever be mended

I was once happy go lucky but, it has all ended

An empty shell, a void, a deep blue, a dried up husk

Once the life and soul of the party, from dawn to dusk

Now a sad-sack, melancholy, forlorn, no self esteem

Worthless, useless, no bloody good, unloved, without

No matter how I try, there is no doubt

I will fail, always, cos' that is what I do

Everything, every outcome, no hope it is true

I only hurt the ones I love, my family and my friends

This feeling of despair, repetition, it never ends

No sleep at night, thoughts racing through my mind

Monkey chatter, worries, scenarios of every kind

What if this? What if that? What will I do? Is it real?

If this happens, or that happens, fills me with a chill

A panic attack, a meltdown, spiraling out of control

Manic, incoherent, embarrassed, left feeling a fool

Stuck in a cycle, a box, a chasm, a rut

A recluse, the crazy old man, a loner, a nut

Watching the clock, tick, tock, tick, tock

Wasting away, no inspiration, or motivation, writers block

Hoping to escape the mediocrity, get recognition, the ball rolling, a start

Show my prose, the way I write, exclusively from my Heart

By Leo🐯👍👹

I remember an extreme episode of bipolar when a friend was criticising a book I like, no memory of the book but my response I will never forget.
"May I suggest try reading the book again only this time backwards. It might undo the heartache you have suffered."


I can be quite cutting and it really hits home. Can't see the woods for the trees or have no reason.


:-(

Suburban Rut

This little creepy man, lives in the flat below
The Council covertly moved him in, ten years ago
He is man who ticks all of their boxes, looked after
I often hear him, cackling, maniacal laughter
He hoards rubbish, we have rats and flies, an eyesore
He does not wash, and plays up, porn, extreme hard-core!
Stands behind his curtain, and his front door naked, deviant behaviour
But the left wing housing officer, is his saviour
Ignored our concerns, for this man needs supervision
He wanders around at night, and turns the sound up on his television
Peers through people's letterboxes, a Peeping Tom, leering
We have complained about him for years, but nobody is hearing
A single word we say, we get accused of a hate crime
Yet he does his thing, all the time
We are left feeling like a fool
We live one hundred yards from a primary school!
They have been complaining, parents too
But he gets protected, it really is true
The police secured his front door, as he is apparently vulnerable
Not the preteens, who he watches, as they come home from school
I have extreme mental health issues too, bipolar and distress
And I have lived in my property for 30 years, what a mess
Bought it from the council in 2003
Ploughed blood, sweat and tears, and £40,000, into my property
And I am the villain, apparently, not he!
We installed CCTV, to catch him in the act, his friends also
The dirty drug dealers, in the next block over, imposing their Will, I think my head is going to Blow!
Have these people walked straight off the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show?
Hoarding rubbish, loud noise, every day is a party, it is driving me Insane
Building alliances with other neighbours, and pointing the finger of Blame
Suburbia is becoming a ghetto, and quirky is the new normal
Any rationale, is replaced with hate, now it is fine to be abnormal
Do as thou wilt, in this new paradigm, it is all inverted
Only criminals are helped, along with deviants, and people who are perverted
The drug dealers complained about our cameras, WTF! Really? OMG!
The left wing housing officer ordered us to remove them! Cheeky fucking SOD.
Since these people have been moved in, the area now is not nice
Needles, rubbish, noise, leering, violence and all types of Vice
I am so hoping I can leave this suburban Rut
As I write this poem, tremors cramp my gut
The bipolar is starting to kick in, I feel wired
But do not have any energy left, I am so tired
I find it really hard these days to get up and be inspired
When I am surrounded by hate, deviants, it is a swamp, a quagmire
Is there anybody? Who can give me some advice, aid me in any way?
To gain popularity for my prose, I have no income, only PIP, a pittance of pay
Took me eighteen months, such stress, to get it
Even though I paid in for years, a system that is Shit!
Numerous breakdowns, even tried to take my own life
And other residents have been threatened with violence, and a pulling of a knife
These scumbags, they don't scare me, just make my life intolerable
They are cowards, who hide behind the Law
Even though they are the ones that constantly offend
It seems that in this new order, being like this is the trend
Reintegrated back into society, but they don't have to change
The rest of us, have to adapt, it is very strange
The apathy is tangible, residents live in a bubble
Not really communicating, life is now a struggle
How much longer will the masses take?
We have to take back control, for our children's sake
Politicians, law, acts and legality
Is bringing in a new dawn, a different reality
Where anything goes, it is ok to be different, no problem with that, it is fine
Is there a cut- off point? Where do we draw the line?
I have been warned, not to talk about it, how unfair
But it has gone on for so long now, I just don't fucking care
The down stairs neighbour's behaviour, is really taking its toll
He was spotted committing an act, with a Chinese Sex Doll!
But remember he is vulnerable, according to the left
And everybody else is bigoted, racist, and cruel at best
So what is to become of the majority of people?
Do we carry on with the acquiescence? Like robots or sheeple?
Are we as humanity completely free?
Can we say what we want? Is there transparency?
Do the leaders do a good job? Do they care? Are we in Fear?
Or are they looking out for number one, enhancing their career
I could write so much more, the words are now flowing
A myriad of scenarios, in my head, growing
Too many words for my fingers to catch up, follow
I keep pressing the wrong keys, and the words seem hollow
But I guess I must end, for words these days are limited, stifled, short
So I will end now, for I don't want to get flagged, or put on report
By Leo