Secret Language of Relationships Book

What an interesting reference book! I didn't expect it to be so huge when I checked it out from the library (I put it on hold online), but it can't be any smaller because of all the extensive info offered. I liked the individual profiles for people born in certain weeks/days of the year and found mine and others to be accurate, but the combined storylines of those people (at least for the ones who fall in line with me) didn't seem accurate one way or another.

". . .and it is through relating to others that many of us reach our most creative peaks, and achieve our greatest ends. Formed by the co-mingling of its partners' energies, if you will, or strengths, weaknesses, and personality quirks, this new third form, the relationship, has its own personality, its own strength, its own weaknesses. It is a wise person who understands this. Moreover, is it possible that what attracts us to someone in many cases is less who the other is and more what the relationship is--what we may potentially create together. Is it possible that our subconscious minds are sufficiently sophisticated to know, on a very subtle level, what a relationship's potential is even as our eyes first meet at someone else's across a room?" pg. 2

"Surely relating to others is the crucible through which most of us experience our greatest sorrows and most ecstatic joys. Often, it is the locus of our greatest personal lessons and growth. Our struggle with the other leads us always back to ourselves. Thus the circle closes." pg. 2

January 3 - 9
Capricorn II
The Week of Determination
Zodiac position = 11-20 degrees Capricorn; Season = Early Winter; Element = Earth; Ruler = Saturn; Symbol = The Goat; Mode = Sensation
Strengths = Resilient, Resourceful, Theoretical
Weaknesses = Naive, Armored, Workaholic
Advice: Recognize your limitations--they do exist. Allow yourself to give in occasionally, even to fail and acknowledge it. Showing your more vulnerable side should not be threatening. Try to keep your ideals grounded and be sure your 'reality' is not in fact an illusion.

The Capricorn II period takes Determination as its central image. This period can be related in human terms to the time of life when an elder seeks to develop new interests and is, ideally, free to explore them. A greater universality and a deepening of outlook now manifest strongly. Illnesses may have to be overcome; the ability to come back from physical setbacks, and a positive outlook, which lends psychological resiliency that are crucial here.

The days that comprise Capricorn II symbolically reveal the elder engaged in new explorations, having the time to travel, formulating philosophical or religious points of view, substantiating gains already made, and manifesting ambition (perhaps for further wealth and power, perhaps for more personal and spiritual goals). During this time the individual seeks the very best for him/herself.

Those born in the Week of Determination often have the drive and ambition necessary to reach the top of their profession. Whether or not they succeed, no one can fault them for not trying. Capricorn II's are strivers, like the mountain goat who seeks out the highest crags. Once embarked on a course of action, they are extremely difficult to dissuade from their plans. No matter how great or modest their gifts, Capricorn II's make the most of their abilities and stretch their talents to the outer edge of the envelope.

Capricorns are generally pictured as hard-headed, down-to-earth thinkers, but those born in the Week of Determination are often interested in theoretical, even metaphysical, religious or spiritual subjects and practices. Nor are their ideas in these areas at all conservative; they may, in fact, be rather radical. No idea is too strange or far out for Capricorn II's to at least consider, and they have an undeniable tendency to let their minds range over the broadest questions of cosmology and human existence. This philosophical bent, however, is usually based on fact and observation, for Capricorn II's have little time for idle or ill-founded speculation.

Capricorn II's often appear tough and aggressive, but most are highly sensitive, perhaps hypersensitive, underneath. They react strongly to criticism, often with denial. Although acutely aware of the disapproval of others, however, they usually have the strength to continue along their path if they believe in their heart that they are right. Of course, there are also immoral Capricorn II's who get away with as much as they can whether they can justify it or not, for they know something about power and how to wield it. They may be vulnerable to using slightly underhanded or unscrupulous methods. Even the more idealistic, who put their energies into serving a cause or organization, may wind up making questionable judgement calls. Classically, Capricorn II's often believe the end justifies the means.

They usually despise weakness in almost any form, and will not hesitate to use the deficiencies of those around them to their advantage. Such a person can only view personal failure as the ultimate humiliation. To say that Capricorn II's are unprepared for failure is an understatement: for many born in the Week of Determination, in fact, admitting failure is not really a possibility. In their philosophy, defeat is only a temporary setback, and the very weapons that destroyed their project must be used to rebuild it. Letting go of or giving up on something can be extremely difficult in these circumstances. It may be years, then, before Capricorn II's can free themselves of the baggage of the past that they carry on their able shoulders. On the other hand, they are capable of taking big chances at crucial points in their lives, in this way appearing as those prototypes of success who dare to fail.

In a strange way, Capricorn II's are masters of both reality and illusion, for many are so persuasive that they can convince others that an illusion is in fact reality. If those born in this week come to believe in their own illusions, however, they may become ineffectual in that they lose their credibility with those around them. Thus a single good friend who refuses to be conned and has the courage to report what he or she has seen, honestly and objectively, may be the most valuable resource a Capricorn II can have.

In their personal lives, Capricorn II's are happiest when they have a partner with whom to share the joys and sorrows of everyday life. They can live alone but most often choose not to do so. They may well insist, however, that their work is an inviolable area that they have no duty to share with their mate, who may get the idea that he or she occupies only second place in the Capricorn II's heart--that work comes first with these individuals. Consequently, those born in this week should avoid involvements with dependent types who need attention and are unable to keep their nose out of their mate's business. It is not at all uncommon for Capricorn II's to marry a spouse whose work has little, if anything, in common with what they do themselves.

On the other hand, the friends of Capricorn II's are often colleagues, or at least work on similar pursuits. Extremely close relationships may develop with such individuals, and mates must accept this or face unhappiness, jealousy or feelings of rejection. May Capricorn II's come to lead three quite separate and mutually exclusive lives: their work life, their social life and their intimate personal life. They may have no interest in integrating these areas, and, indeed, it is often unnecessary for them to do so.

Extremely resourceful, those born in this week are good at making the best of a bad situation. This and their loyalty enable them to hang in there for years trying to make a difficult or even somewhat undesirable relationship work out. What motivates them is less sympathy with or understanding of their partner than a refusal to admit failure. A Capricorn II can be extremely devoted not so much to a person as to the relationship itself, and to a belief in the concept of marriage or living together.

As realistic as they are, Capricorn II's are often seen as idealistic and even at times naive. Naivete, in fact, can be considered their Achilles' heel, but also may be a reason for others to love or feel fondness or sympathy for them. Being vulnerable and admitting to weakness is essential to sharing love, and many born in this week handicap themselves by maintaining a strong facade.
pg. 172-175

February 8-15
Aquarius III
The Week of Acceptance
Zodiac position = 18-27 degrees Aquarius; Season = Midwinter; Element = Air; Ruler = Uranus; Symbol = The Water Bearer; Mode = Thought
Strengths = Lively, Inventive, Affectionate
Weaknesses = Irritated, Vulnerable, Needy
Advice: Accept your need for other people and cultivate meaningful social interaction. Remain open and accepting, but demand that others accept you as your are, too. Your psychic abilities are valuable--use them constructively. Beware of allowing rejection to lower your self-esteem.

The Aquarius III period takes Acceptance as its central image. This period can be symbolically likened to a time in a person's advanced age when a more accepting outlook has emerged. Many prejudices, preconceptions and judgmental attitudes have diminished in relevance and have perhaps been stripped away altogether. Although irritability and negativity can certainly rear their head at this late stage of life, many by this time have adopted a forgiving attitude toward themselves and the choices they have made, friends and loved ones--indeed, the world in general. For those who are religious, thoughts of the afterlife and a deepening sense of responsibility motivate charitable acts. Psychic power, an enjoyment of the simple pleasures, humor and wisdom in thought and speech mark this time. Ideally, even those who may be struggling physically can manage to display a dignity and wholeness that is inspiring to younger people.

The theme of acceptance runs strong in the lives of Aquarius III's. Some of them are hardheaded and not particularly open to unusual ideas and people but become increasingly tolerant as the years go by. Others are overly accepting from an early age and allow themselves to be unduly manipulated or influenced by stronger, more selfish types. The challenge for Aquarius III's is to remain open to the world while at the same time retaining the ability to be selective in screening out harmful influences.

Having dealt with some of their own prejudices, Aquarius III's often become champions of the underdog. They despise intolerance and unfair treatment in any form. They also react instinctively against those who put on airs, or pretend to be something they are not. Poking holes in other people's balloons is often an Aquarius III specialty, and if they carry this tendency to an extreme, they can be extremely cutting and hurtful. The reasons for this behavior may be found in a low self-image, perhaps reflecting negative parental attitudes expressed toward them in childhood. Aquarius III anger is sudden and explosive but rarely lasts for long. Their friends and family usually realize that it is often better for all concerned if they can get their aggression and dissatisfaction out in one go rather than letting it simmer inside.

The resourceful individuals born in the Week of Acceptance are rarely at a loss for new ideas. Perhaps because they get themselves into difficult or challenging situations so often, Aquarius III's learn early on how to extricate themselves from dilemmas. That they often create and solve their own problems makes them like two mythological figures rolled into one: Daedalus, who created the labyrinth, and Ariadne, who showed Theseus how to get out of it. In a basic sense, Aquarius III's are their own worst enemy.

Rarely at rest for long, Aquarius III's love activity and movement. Their liveliness is an extremely positive trait as far as their friends are concerned, and they are often sought out for their attractiveness, unusual demeanor and colorful language. The downside of their character is more often felt by their families than by their associates, for it is in the daily task of living with others that their greatest problems often arise. Those born in this week may be constantly annoyed with family members, and because they do not rate high in self-awareness, they may fail to see that is is actually they who are the annoying ones.

Those born in this week are easily affected by what others say and do. A bad remark or look can easily set them on the wrong foot for a few hours or even ruin their whole day. Arquius III's are particularly vulnerable to personal attack. They can stand any amount of criticism of their unusual ideas and, in fact, defend themselves well but may fly apart when dealing with people who can push their emotional buttons. Learning to be less vulnerable to ad hominem arguments, and to laugh off the negativity of others, whether it is intentional or not, is important if they are to maintain their psychic balance.

Humor, irony and wit often appear in abundance in those born in this week. These are among the mechanisms by which they are able to survive in an often difficult and hostile world. Another method they may use is the making of silent promises to themselves not to make the same mistake again, or to better their lives through positive action. Making plans and resolutions of all sorts for the future enables them to get through trying times. Above all, they know that no matter how bad things get, tomorrow is another day. In this respect, they view the future as potentially positive and self-renewing.

In the present, on the other hand, Aquarius III's may get into a hopeless state in which they believe that everything had gone wrong. Friends stand by helpless while they complain about their own deficiencies, and about the unfair treatment they receive from the world. If they have negative attitudes about themselves, these can involve feelings of shame that may be focused on their bodies or on mistakes they feel they have made. Such attitudes are empowered by guilt. Yet although Aquarius III's may blame themselves constantly, they can rarely hear reproach from others without a strong defensive reaction, perhaps involving a reciprocal attack on the accuser. Learning to listen to the suggestions of concerned family members may be almost impossible for them; it is easier for them to take advice from friends, or even strangers.

Week of Acceptance people may be extremely affectionate to others and may crave love themselves. Love is apparently hard for them to find, however, since they are constantly in search of it. Aquarius III's are rarely able to find the right person for themselves before the age of thirty, if at all. Their needs often demand a wide range of partners, associates, mates or friends. Aquarius III's are not easily satisfied and often bored. Their need for attention may run high, and the danger here is that they become the eternal butterfly, flitting from one delicious flower to the next. Their nonattachment is not in itself a negative trait--on the contrary, it is a lesson that all of us have to learn sooner or later. For Aquarius III's, however, the lessons that need to be learned are those of constancy, consistency, application and dedication.
pg. 192-195

Aggressive Urges (Capricorn II and Aquarius III)
Strengths = Dynamic, Physical, Authoritative
Weaknesses = Alienating, Angry, Aggressive
Best = Love
Worst = Family
The principal factor in this relationship is its own belligerence, and its focus is how best to cope with it. These partners have a will to combat that certainly makes them dynamic, but they must direct it carefully and prevent it from spinning out of control. Trying to suppress the relationship's aggressiveness seldom really works, for it pushes the partners' energies to burrow deep inside, causing frustration and, eventually, paralyzing depressions. Finding an orderly and constructive way of harnessing energy usually implies submitting to a law or plan, a kind of higher authority that sets the guidelines within which expenditures of energy are most effective.

Love affairs can be intense between these two, but not usually in a wild or chaotic sense. Here the relationship's energies are forceful and direct, but can be well modulated. Aquarius III hot-bloodedness and Capricorn II tough sensuality can make an odd but compelling sexual combination. In marriage, Capricorn II's have much to teach Aquarius III's about balancing their energies, and Aquarius III's can help Capricorn II's to become more open-minded and accepting. If children come into the picture, both parents must learn the wisdom of dispassionate judgement, and should beware of allowing anger to dictate unfair punishments.

Friends and relatives in this combination often have strong moral views that they impose on those in their social or family circle. Living up to these partners' expectations may be simply too much for anyone to bear, and this may have the effect of alienating other people from their cause. In youth, aggressions are best worked out on the playing field or gym floor, where energies may be expressed within strict boundaries, without involving resentment or rebellion. At work, this duo may exert powerful authority within a company or organization, or as equal partners in their own business.
Advice: Sticking to the rules is good; creating them is even better. Don't repress your aggressions, but direct them as constructively as you can.
pg. 777

Book: borrowed from SSF Main Library.