I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship: Hilarious, Heartwarming Tales About Man's Best Friend from America's Favorite Humorists Book

My Best Paw Foreword Chelsea Handler's Dog, Chunk 1

Dum-Diddle-Dum-Dum Wade Rouse 11

A Dog Day of Summer W. Bruce Cameron 25

Dogs Are the New Children Jen Lancaster 35

Oedipus Rex Stephanie Klein 51

Menage a Dog Alice Bradley 65

There's No Place Like Home, Judy Alec Mapa 75

The Lone Wolf Laurie Notaro 83

The Evil Stepmother Jane Green 91

Scratching at My Door, Tail Between His Legs Caprice Crane 99

Walking My Dog Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death Is a Nice Way to Start the Day Bob Smith 111

A Courtly Soul Rita Mae Brown 125

The Little Rascal Beth Harbison 133

Are You a Rascal or a Ringo? Jeff Marx 147

Squatting with Stella by Starlight Allie Larkin 159

Peekapoo, Where Are You? Annabelle Gurwitch 173

Pimping Out Delilah Sarah Pekkanen 181

Wuzsha, Wuzsha, Wuzsha! Eddie Sarfaty 193

My Dog, the Dominatrix Jenny Gardiner 205

Are You Smarter Than a Terrier? Beth Kendrick 219

Fairy Tales Can Come True Jill Conner Browne 231

Contributor: Bios Or, What We Do When We're Not Walking You, Feeding You, Petting You, Grooming You, or Cleaning Up After You 243

A Note from the Editor 253

Acknowledgments 257