Killbox Book

God. God. I just finished, and... I don't even know where to begin. How do I rate this book?

This book left me smoking pissed. Part of me wants to give it a bad rating because of that, just out of spite. But when I think about it, this visceral emotional reaction I am having, it is a reaction to the story. To a well-told story. How can I give that a low rating?

There are a lot of decisions that frustrated me in this book. I honestly found it hard to read, because parts of it were pretty upsetting. But isn't that a mark of caring about a character? Being agonized because they are going down a road you don't want to see them travel?

I am angry that March decided to hold himself apart from Jax, that his integrity demanded it (I am deliberately being vague here, to avoid spoiling my friends). And I am angry that Jax agreed to it. But... I can't argue that it is out of character. That decision, that is March, right down to his core. And Jax... the beautiful thing is that the Jax of book 1 WOULDN'T have agreed. But the Jax of book 4, she recognizes that there are things in the world that hold more value than her own personal needs.

Now, I can and will argue that they were both being stupid. That being partners means facing things together, and if the Armada can't handle that, the Armada can suck it.

But I can't argue that it was out of character, or that it in any way undermined these people or this story.

I am angry that Jax was utterly isolated by the end of this book. That one by one, the people she loves were forced away from her. But at the same time, I can see that this is essential, for Jax. That this is part of her growth.

I am livid that both Jax and March CONTINUE to make unilateral decisions - leap forward into their own plan of action without discussing possibilities with each other. I am heartbroken that they have not come, yet, to the stage where they trust each other enough to know that their love for each other won't allow them force the other to be someone who is less... less... just Less than they need to be.

I am terrified of March's devastation when he receives that transmission.

And above all... above all I am HORRIFIED that we have to sit with this cliffhanger for a YEAR.

But are any of those things marks of a poorly written book? Honestly, could the story have made me cry my damn eyes out through the last 50 or so pages if it was not excellent? The book took me on an emotional journey. And sure, it left me Utterly Furious... but I'd guess that's exactly what Aguirre wants me to be feeling right now.

So, 5 stars.

Cheers, y'all. See you in a year. Goddammit.