How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk Book

A friend, a previous yeller, recommended this book. I found it very helpful, especially since we just had our second child who had colic and the 6 year old and I were no longer communicating well.

It teaches a way to talk that names emotions, and acknowledges the emotions that often a child cannot articulate.

For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?"

You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, before you focus on solving the problem and it seems to release a pressure valve for them and for you.

The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."

There techniques eliminate the blaming and other behaviors we learned as children and replace them with more helpful ways to dialogue and focus on solving the problem versus seeking to blame. One of the best communication books I've ever read.