Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids Book

Best parenting book I've read. And really more than a parenting book, this a book about how to live life well in modern times. The author is a family counselor and over his career of helping many families, has developed a particular theory and philosophy about what is challenging so many families. To simplify (which is the theme of the book), we've become too busy, and that busyness is particularly bad for children.

"You've heard about how a frog dropped into a pot of boiling water will struggle to get out? Nothing surprising there, but it turns out that if you put a frog in a pot of cold water, and slowly heat it to the boiling point, the frog will remain still, without any signs of struggle. Based on the families I've been privileged to work with, the hundreds of parents who've shared with me their concerns, and my own experience as a parent, I believe that the pot we're in today as families is increasingly inhospitable for us all … but especially for our children."

The boiling pot is of course our busy lives, full of activities, work, media, screens, and more. We live in an era where humans have never been so constantly switched on and busy. The solution: to create space in your life, and time. This leads to a deeper connection between your kids and your spouse.

The book is worth reading, but here are some of the basic takeaways:

1. Create space in your life. This means physical and mental clutter, and TIME. Speaking of time, you have to put in the time. If either parent spends more than 10 hours per day at work, their children will suffer - this is not a surprise, and is in line with my intentions, but I have exceeded it.

"Let your kids be bored. Let them be. Sometimes in my lectures I write up a "prescription" for parents: "Boredom. To be allowed three times a day, preferably before meals."

2. When a child (or an adult) is having a tough time (a "soul fever") - just like a real fever, give them a few days off and they will heal. This can mean taking a sick day, something I never do and am going to think seriously about.

3. Meditate. So many books and teachers talk about the benefits of this! Or do the modern alternatives, such as sports, music or deep play - anything that really lets you focus without distraction.

4. Simplify toys. The average kid receives 70 toys per year, and most of them are not played with frequently. Many end up missing parts, or broken. Simplify down to ~5 toys out at a time, and toss half and keep the other half in bins in storage. Keep the toys that inspire imagination - simple toys like blocks of wood, basic wooden boats - complex toys like a princess castle with all the trimmings leave little to the imagination. Avoid toys based on popular movie or tv characters for that reason too.

"We explained that some of their toys were in storage and might come out again. But really, we hardly finished saying that when they started playing. They each found something they hadn't seen for a long time and started playing."

5. Simplify books. This one was hard for me, but it does make sense to leave out ~5 books the child will read a lot, and even make sure their shelf is full of good books, not just any books.

6. Create rhythm in the daily and weekly family life. Establish this with regular family dinners, family meetings, and other customs. Sundays as family days. Reading time as a family.

7. Avoid screen time, ideally eliminating it or if not severely limiting it. It's not cognitively good for us.

8. Reduce exposure to media for kids. Our media has become increasingly fear based (which I think is a huge problem that needs solving), and kids just simply don't need exposure to it.

9. Create mechanisms to ensure both parents are involved in the childrens lives>. This creates balance for the kids, and for the parents. Do this by balancing regular responsibilities between the parents.

In a nutshell:
"Simplifying a child's daily life is one of the best ways to restore a sense of balance in parenting. By simplifying their toys and environment, their schedules, and the sense of rhythm and regularity in the home, you allow them the grace to be a child."