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Suicide:
act of
attempt to imagine, 1
bare-bones account, 5
immediate aftermath, 7
anger about, 35
attitude toward
his, 36
mine, 43
belief that change of scene might unlock emotion concerning, 44
day after
brother's appearance, 48
concern that he will be viewed differently now, 54
"little room" discussion with his business partner, 56
search warrant, 59
speculation relating to bulge, 61
deviation from chronological narrative of, 67
factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on expensive good time, 72
Suicide:
factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on (cont.)
pots of money, 88
uneasy problem of blame, 103
finding some humor in
ashes, 105
Valentine's Day, 106
glimpses of his character relevant to, 107
information from his brother sparked by, 116
intrafamilial relationships reexamined in light of
Munich, 124
my grandmother, 139
items found in my husband's closet and, 152
life summarized in an attempt to illuminate, 157
numbness and
Bullwinkle, 196
chicken pox, 199
duration, 201
food, 202
husband, 204
psychiatric response, 207
various reprieves, 212
opposing versions of, 214
other people's stories concerning, 216
other shoe and, 224
philosophical conundrums stemming from
first, 229
second, 230
possible ways to talk to a child about
family tree, 231
full disclosure, 234
not yet, 236
rational approach, 238
weapons god, 243
psychiatry as an indirect means of addressing, 247
psychological impact of, 256
readings in the literature of, 274
romances of mother in years following, 278
"things" folder and, 297
thoughts on method of, 302
where I am now, 305
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