Bone: Dying into Life Book

Bone is the fascinating story of Woodman's inner struggle to fully join life, lifted directly from the transcript of her diary. It begins with her diagnosis of cancer of the uterus and it's final resolution, via ending her career as a Jungian analyst and the discovery of another pain-causing and disabling tumour found in her sacrum.

Her inner dialogue resonates with my own, as it will surely with those who have struggled ' are struggling ' to become conscious of the unconscious barriers that seem to be keeping us from being fully alive. And several times, perhaps even many times, small but lovely synchronicities with my own life resonated while reading it.

Her journal includes quotations from various writers, in particular poets such as Dickenson and Blake, and they are lovely to read as well.

Now, for a taste of the book, from 1995, near the end: March 6           ... I am aware of my capacity for denial, but I think I am better. Still, I must acknowledge something is strange in my behaviour. I am incapable of obeying a clock, I who was once so punctual. [Yes! This has become my 'fate' too, in recent years!] I am not confused though I may appear to be. I tell people I will meet them at a certain time, but then I cannot hurry. I know I am going to be late, but something in me does not care. I am doing my best and can do no more. I may not get there at all. I feel no guilt, no remorse. I'm on different time. "What is not brought to consciousness comes to us as fate." ' CG Jung.

March 8          Edema is heavy again. When my body fills with water, I dream of troops manning all the posts against the enemy who is pounding at a plate-glass door. Plate-glass is cut-off from feeling ' able to watch life, unable to feel into it. Whatever strength is in me takes up water (unconsciousness) to protect agains the enemy (life itself). Goo image for autoimmune breakdown: Body becomes enemy to itself. Sooner or later, I hope that plate glass will shatter: Swan Maiden will sacrifice her impossible ideals and accept Gypsy with her luscious love of life. One comes out of the Light to meet the Other coming out of Darkness. Sometimes I hear Little One laughing when I write sentences like that. I suspect she is a very old crone.

March 16-17          Went alone to the university symposium on cancer and diet. Didn't learn much. Repeat, repeat on green and yellow vegetables. Green tea is good, also wheatgrass and vegetables of the sea...

All emphasized the importance of diet. Irony! What I'll remember most about the conference was the fabulous coffee and muffins.

March 21           Simplifying becomes my total focus. I'm noting how anxious I become when I fail to simplify or cannot simplify because of what starts happening around me ' phone, TV, letters, ad infinitum. I believe that failure to simplify could lead me back to cancer because I would lose touch with my life vibration ' my tone that sustains my life force. ...

The more I listen to my soul, the more clearly I hear the truth of other people, of animals, birds, the universe. A unified field! ...

I must stay in touch with whatever keeps me focused on the still point ' the place of exact harmony in body and psyche. Simplify life to that point where the dance can happen ' the dance between consciousness and the unconscious. So long as I constantly allow other things to interfere, I will never find the moments in each day to reach those listening points of harmony ' those seeing points of perception. Concentration that can focus on the moments must come first or the others do not follow. I tend to think I'll get everything in order and then. No, no no! That's not it. Listen to Mozart first, come into harmony first, then the clutter will fall away unnoticed.

Clarification is very important now because I know the dance is not happening. The swans have flown into the sunset; Gypsy is alive. But consciousness and the unconscious are not dancing together. The unconscious is ready to step into life; consciousness knows I can move into health, but dares not leap into the unknown. I cannot walk.And it made a delightful read aloud book with my partner.