Why Kids Lie: How Parents Can Encourage Truthfulness Book

Paul Ekman is one of the giants in my field, communications and body language. His particular expertise is lying, which he has made his life's study. He's consulting with the FBI, the CIA, and the TSA. He discovered micro-expressions, those little bursts of underlying emotion that leak out (too fast for most people to see) when we're trying to conceal how we really feel. And now he's written a book (together with his wife and son) on parents, kids, and lying. It's not his best book. It reviews the research, which doesn't have many surprises -- basically everyone knows that lying is wrong, except when it isn't -- like white lies -- even children. The child's view of lying shifts from fear of getting caught to a larger understanding of the social consequences of lying as they get older, not surprisingly. It's all pretty much common sense. What's missing is any real discussion of the deeper struggles with morality and lying that parents and children face. Ekman's example, that his son lied about a party he threw while Ekman and his wife were away, is too pat to be really helpful. And the solution too obvious: the son was punished with grounding, etc. Trust was discussed. It all seems too easy. A deeper exploration of lying would have been more interesting, and more fraught with nuances, exceptions, and existential issues. Still, parents who are relatively clueless in the face of their kid's first big lie might find this book helpful.