Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children Book

	Acknowledgments	XV
	Introduction	xvii
1	Children Are from Heaven	1
	Every Child Has His or Her Own Unique Problems	2
	The Five Messages of Positive Parenting	6
	A Vision of Possibilities	18
2	What Makes the Five Messages Work	21
	The Pressure of Parenting	22
	Reinventing Parenting	23
	A Short History of Parenting	25
	Violence in, Violence out	27
	Why Children Become Unruly and Disruptive	31
	A Global Shift in Consciousness	34
3	New Skills to Create Cooperation	38
	Ask, but Don't Order or Demand	38
	Use "Would You" And Not "Could You"	39
	Give up Rhetorical Questions	43
	Be Direct	45
	Give up Explanations	46
	Give up Giving Lectures	48
	Don't Use Feelings to Manipulate	49
	The Magic Word to Create Cooperation	51
	A Short Review and Practice	52
	What to Do When Children Resist	54
4	New Skills to Minimize Resistance	55
	Four Skills to Minimize Resistance	56
	The Four Temperaments	57
	Sensitive Children Need Listening and Understanding	58
	Active Children Need Preparation and Structure	61
	Responsive Children Need Distraction and Direction	66
	The Gift of Singing	68
	Making Chores Fun	69
	The Gift of Reading	71
	Using Distraction to Redirect	72
	Receptive Children Need Ritual and Rhythm	75
	Loving Rituals	78
	Practical Rituals	81
	Giving Our Children What They Need	82
5	New Skills for Improving Communication	83
	Why Children Resist	84
	Taking Time to Listen	86
	The Two Conditions	88
	Hard-Love Parenting	90
	Soft-Love Parenting	94
	Learning to Delay Gratification	98
	Meeting Your Children's Needs	100
6	New Skills for Increasing Motivation	102
	A Short Update on Punishment	103
	Why and When Punishment Worked	104
	The Positive Side of Punishment	106
	The Simple Proof	108
	The Alternative to Punishment Is Reward	110
	The Two Reasons a Child Misbehaves	112
	Why Giving Rewards Works	112
	Negative Acknowledgments	114
	Catching Your Child Being Good or Doing the Right Thing	117
	The Magic of Rewards	119
	Why Children Resist Our Direction	120
	Understanding Rewards	122
	Rewards According to Temperaments	125
	Sample Rewards	126
	Always Have Something up Your Sleeve	127
	A List of Rewards	129
	Recurring Patterns	131
	Rewarding Teenagers	132
	Dealing with a Demanding Child in Public	133
	Rewards Are Like Dessert	134
	Learning from Natural Consequences	135
	The Fear of Rewards	138
7	New Skills for Asserting Leadership	140
	Learning How to Command	141
	Don't Use Emotions to Command	142
	It's Okay to Make Mistakes	143
	When Emotions Are not Helpful	144
	Yelling Doesn't Work	145
	Make Your Commands Positive	146
	Command but Don't Explain	149
	Commanding Teenagers	151
	Reasons and Resistance	153
	A Better Way of Commanding	155
	Increasing Cooperation	156
	Choosing Your Battles	157
8	New Skills for Maintaining Control	159
	The Need for Time Out	160
	How Negative Feelings Get Released	163
	The Ideal Time Out	164
	Explaining Time Outs	165
	Four Common Mistakes	167
	Too Much Time Out	167
	Not Enough Time Out	168
	Expecting Your Child to Sit Quietly	170
	Using Time Out as Punishment	171
	Hugging Dad	172
	Adjusting Your Will Versus Caving In	173
	When to Give Time Out	174
	Three Strikes and You Are Out	175
	When Time Out Doesn't Work	176
	What Makes the Five Skills Work	177
9	It's Okay to Be Different	180
	Gender Differences	182
	Different Needs for Trust and Caring	183
	Continuing to Trust and Care	185
	Boys Are from Mars, Girls Are from Venus	188
	Mr. Fix-It	190
	Mrs. Home Improvement	192
	When Advice Is Good	194
	Boys Forget and Girls Remember	195
	Different Generations	197
	The Culture of Violence	198
	Different Temperaments	200
	How Temperaments Transform	201
	Afternoon Activities	203
	Different Body Types	204
	Different Intelligence	206
	Academic Intelligence	207
	Emotional Intelligence	207
	Physical Intelligence	208
	Creative Intelligence	208
	Artistic Intelligence	209
	Common Sense Intelligence	210
	Intuitive Intelligence	210
	Gifted Intelligence	211
	Different Speeds of Learning	213
	Good Here but Not Good There	214
	Comparing Children	215
10	It's Okay to Make Mistakes	217
	From Innocence to Responsibility	218
	Whose Fault Is it Anyway?	223
	Learning Responsibility	224
	Hardwired to Self-Correct	226
	Your Child's Learning Curve	226
	Understanding Repetition	228
	Learning from Mistakes	229
	Learning to Make Amends	231
	Don't Punish, Make Adjustments	234
	How to React When Children Make a Mistake	236
	Doing Your Best Is Good Enough	242
	When it Is Not Okay to Make Mistakes	246
	Hiding Mistakes and Not Telling the Truth	247
	Children of Divorced Parents	249
	Not Setting High Standards or Taking Risks	250
	Justifying Mistakes or Blaming Others	252
	Teens at Risk	254
	Low Self-Esteem and Self-Punishment	256
	Making it Okay to Make Mistakes	259
11	It's Okay to Express Negative Emotions	261
	The Importance of Managing Feelings	262
	Learning to Manage Feelings	264
	Coping with Loss	266
	Why Expressing Emotion Helps	267
	The Power of Empathy	269
	The Five Second Pause	271
	When Children Resist Empathy	274
	When Parents Express Negative Emotions	275
	The Mistake of Sharing Feelings	278
	Asking Children How They Feel	280
	What You Suppress, Your Children Will Express	281
	The Black Sheep of the Family	284
	Making Negative Emotions Okay	285
12	It's Okay to Want More	286
	The Fears About Desire	287
	The Virtues of Gratitude	289
	Permission to Negotiate	291
	Learning to Say No	292
	Ten Ways to Say No	294
	Asking for More	295
	Modeling How to Ask	296
	The Power of Asking	297
	Giving Too Much	299
	Children Will Always Want More	300
	Children of Divorced Parents	301
	The Longing of the Human Spirit	303
13	It's Okay to Say No, but Mom and Dad Are the Bosses	304
	How Parents Affect Their Children	306
	Coping with Negative Emotions	307
	The Development of Cognitive Abilities	309
	Children's Need for Reassurance	310
	Children Have a Different Memory	312
	Coping with Increased Will	312
	Balancing Freedom and Control	314
	Two Problems of Losing Control	316
	The Nine-Year Stages of Maturity	317
	The Development of Responsibility	319
	Understanding the Generation Line	320
	Divorce and the Generation Line	323
	Controlling Your Preteens and Teens	324
	Using the Internet to Improve Communication	326
	Getting Support from Other Parents	328
14	Putting the Five Messages into Practice	330
	Mothers and Daughters	331
	Fathers and Daughters	331
	Mothers and Sons	332
	Fathers and Sons	333
	Teens Secretly Appreciate Limits	334
	What to Do When Your Child Takes Drugs	337
	Dealing with Disrespectful Language	338
	Permission to Speak Freely	340
	Making Decisions	342
	The Cycles of Seven	343
	Why Teens Rebel	345
	Improving Communication with Teens	346
	Respect Your Teen's Opinions	348
	Sending Your Teen Away	351
	Instead of "Don't" Use "I Want"	352
	Asking Your Children What They Think	353
	The Challenge of Parenting	355
	The Gifts of Greatness	356