Tete-a -Tete: The Tumultuous Lives and Loves of Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre Book

Since last year, I have slowly been making my way through Simone De Beauvoir's memoirs () and fiction (). I admit that I got voyeuristically curious about her unconventional relationship with Jean-Paul Sartre: they were committed to each other, but notoriously not monogamous, going as far as sharing partners - most famously Olga Kosakiewicz. They both wrote a lot about it, but I couldn't resist the urge to read about it from a less biased point of view. Simone is quite candid in her writing, but I didn't doubt for a minute that she still held back some details… Hazel Rowel also loves Beauvoir, and she clearly thinks that whether her relationship with Sartre was as good as how she wrote about it or not is not relevant: what matters is that it is a fascinating and damn good story!

The logic of Beauvoir and Sartre's arrangement was simple: all the couples there knew cheated on each other, more or less in secret. They would simply do away with the dissimulation, which they both viewed as hypocritical. The theory was good, but in practice, the sexist double-standards of the era would ultimately create a lot of frictions because her dalliances would always be judged more harshly than his. And while Simone (at least in theory) agreed and understood the principles they build their partnership on, other women and other men who eventually were entangled in this situation didn't always see it the same way.

While Sartre in no way pushed Simone to adhere to social conventions, he had his own set of expectations, which while decidedly not bourgeois, she nevertheless felt obliged to meet, for fear of rejection and abandonment. She felt comfortable telling him everything, but not displaying any emotions he might judge as weak - he was absolutely merciless with those he considered weak.

It's impossible to deny that while brilliant, Sartre was also arrogant to the point of narcissism. He was very sociable and often quite generous, but seemed to lack the capacity to see that his behavior, where honesty could easily turn to tactlessness, could rub people the wrong way. And he while he certainly supported his "harem" financially, he did not treat the women around him very well, to say the least (Beauvoir was probably the only one he didn't outrageously lie to). Despite those very big flaws, I found myself warming up to the description of his character made by Rowley more than the one I had found in Beauvoir's work. She paints him in a more favorable light, and while still someone who was probably insufferable in intimate relationships, he comes across and an interesting blend of snob and down-to-earth, spoiled silly by his mother, extremely demanding of his colleagues but very hard-working, dedicated to his intellectual labor, friendly, funny and always ready to help. I'm glad for this nuanced portrait of him, which makes me more enthusiastic to read his work.

In her memoirs, Beauvoir obviously makes herself to be the good guy, and it was interesting to see the more flawed reality as written by Rowley. I lost none of my admiration and love for her, but then I'm never one to expect my heroes to be perfect. In fact, knowing that she made a mess of some relationships and situations, that she gently tried to erase some people she didn't care for from her personal history makes her more human. Knowing that she suffered even more than she dares to admit but carried on anyway is inspiring.

The partnership between Beauvoir and Sartre eventually ceased to be sexual, but interestingly, their love for each other never disappeared: there were ups and downs while both of them had other liaisons, but the bond they shared pulled them back together as partners, if not physical than at least intellectual partners. It can be appalling to see what being part of their "family" has cost some people, but the endurance of their friendship really is a tale for the ages. If you are interested in the lives of those two great thinkers, I can't recommend this book enough.