You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Love-Based Solutions for Couples Book

When you analyze any disagreement what you find is that the topic is always the same. The issues that get a couple going are endless: from not picking up socks, to the frequency of sex. However, as the disagreement progresses, the topic invariably shifts to who's right and who's wrong. What is interesting about these "Right Fights" is that they are not about needing to be right, but come from the feeling of being wronged. Once wronged, we withdraw emotionally until the other person makes it right. This disconnect comes out as defensiveness, and shifts the conversation from what's wrong (our pain) to who's wrong (the person who hurt us). The solution is to address the feeling of hurt while being connected.