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Dr. Harvey Kaye, emeritus assistant clinical professor of Psychiatry at New York Medical College, has spent decades analyzing matters of gender and sexual orientation. He's seen modern men lured by the siren song of the "Masculine Mystique" and pressured to fulfill the "Dominance Drive" and the "Heroic Imperative." The result is The Affairs of Men, a wry view of the masculine wilderness. Pressured by conflicting societal and familial standards, besieged by unrelenting demands to be sexier, wealthier, more successful, "more of a man," men pay a price in marriage, in the bedroom, in the workplace, and most important, in their sense of identity. It's clear that men are at a cultural crossroads, facing difficult questions: Why do men attempt to achieve impossible goals? How do gay men fit into overall images of masculinity? Are traditional male-female relationship passé? What roles should men take in their families? The Affairs of Men wittily illuminates the world of men, looking at both the origins of western society's image of masculinity and its current landscape. Dr. Kaye states that men must embrace a new vision of what it means to be a man. Men must give up the entrenched myth of superiority that has limited them for centuries. They must learn to experience all emotions, not just societally-approved anger, hatred, and jealousy. They must learn-from each other and from the women in their lives-what it is to be fully human.
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| $99.99 | Digital |
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Edwin W. Skinner, Jr.
reviewed The affairs of men on February 05, 2017 The affairs of men
I listened to this an audiobook which is way too abridged. The paperback added a lot more scolding. Well, Dr. Laura is actually just up the road from me in Scotts Valley, CA. She has been on local radio forever. This book is actually the sequel to her '10 Stupid Things Women Do...'. Most men my age will find themselves described perfectly somewhere in this book. How many Ten Commandments have you broken?
This book pretty much outlines all the ways that men sabotage their own *family* lives in the pursuit of cheap thrills such as money, sex, power, ambition (career), youthfullness, but doesn't stop there and includes marriage, pity and even chivalry. Hmmmm. Are all those 'stupid' things really bad? Well, no, but they are when us merely human men put them above the greater needs of our families and thus society as a whole. This theory can be distilled simply to this: that families are the basic building block of society and we (men AND women) need to sacrifice - or at least think smarter - in order to create more compassionate, meaningful family lives. Fair enough, I say. I'd wish I'd read this book during my cocksure days in college and immediately beyond. The only thing these types of books fail to address is that life is fluid, and PEOPLE CHANGE. Sometimes drastically so. Since both the hubby and wife are going to continue to change throught their lives and thus their marriage and relationship will change, too. So, the marriage needs to change, too. And if it doesn't (for whatever reasons), it falls apart. Basically it comes down to communication and acceptance. We all need to keep open and honest communication *especially* with our spouses - or ultimately suffer alone. Honesty and openness should seem so easy to most of us. But it's all the 'stupid' things that Dr Laura describes that keep us from that.
So her advise is: choose carefully, and always keep talking and listening. Ask yourself what is really important in this life. And then try not to forget it! Highly recommended, even if you don't agree.
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