The Placebo Chronicles: Strange but True Tales from the Doctors' Lounge Book

	Introduction	1
	Medical School
	Introduction	4
	Stages of the Physician	5
	Medical Students' Revenge	6
	ER Stuff	6
	Maggots/Magnets	7
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Talk About Blowing It	8
	Smudge	9
	X-Ray Files: The Big One Here - Kitty, Kitty	10
	Lord of the Rings	11
	A Salute to the Barn	12
	Medical School Mishaps	13
	Why I'll Never Forget The Summer of '92	14
	A Medical Student Translation Guide for Patient Complaints	16
	Synchronized Swimming	17
	PJ Consulting	18
	Millennium Stethoscope	19
	Picket Fences	20
	Bot Fly on the Brain	21
	Respect	22
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Perc or Drip?	24
	My Favorite Munchausen: Lymphedema Lucy	25
	Moody	26
	True Tales of Mistaken Identity	26
	Anomaly	27
	FUBIGMI	28
	Make Your Questions Clear	28
	Escapee	29
	Everyone Needs a Nickname	29
	Going NUTS in Anatomy Lab	30
	Cracking (Up) the Code	31
	Medical Memories from the University State Pen	32
	"Well, don't come to my house!"	33
	Night Stick	33
	The K-Y That Got Away	34
	The Surrogate Patient	35
	Zingo!	36
	Que?	36
	MYAGRA	37
	My Favorite Munchausen: I Could Sure Use Some Fresh Air	38
	The Resident
	Introduction	40
	Timing Is Everything	42
	X-Ray Files: Drinking Buddies	43
	Nightmares	44
	Puzzling	46
	"Get Me Out of Here!"	46
	CYANARA	47
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Armed and Dangerous!	48
	My Favorite Munchausen: Just a Stone's Throw Away	49
	CHUX	50
	A Sticky Situation	52
	Trauma Alert	53
	First Night	54
	Pasta Anyone?	56
	Ouch!	57
	Bright Lights	57
	Diener	58
	Rub	58
	UTERALL XR and PLACERTA LA	59
	Potato Love	60
	A New Year	60
	Need a Bed	61
	Now That's a Rectal!	61
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: No Self-Defecation!	62
	My Favorite Munchausen: Rosey the Red	63
	Digit of Death	64
	New Medications for Smokers	65
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Hamburger Upper G.I.	66
	A Little Premature	67
	Shrunken Head	68
	Problem?	70
	Sleep Study	71
	Teachable Moment	71
	The Wig	72
	Nordart Contraceptive	73
	My Favorite Munchausen: Pheo, Phio, Pho, Phum	74
	X-Ray Files: Throckmorten Sign with a Twist	75
	PBJ	76
	Are You an Investigational Whore?	77
	Never Too Late	78
	The New Doctor
	Introduction	80
	"I Gotcha!"	82
	Windy	83
	Top Ten Clues	84
	Just Can't Get Pregnant	85
	Here's One Way to Beat the System	85
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Laboring Over Her Pain	86
	My Favorite Munchausen: Paul the Popper	87
	Language Problems	88
	Voice Recognition Blues	89
	Hot Diggity Dog!	90
	Garbage Can Lady	91
	Life on the Farm	92
	In the Navy	93
	"Committee" Committee	94
	Too Personal	94
	Out of Body Rounding	95
	Make Money Naturally!!	96
	X-Ray Files: Oral Hygiene	97
	5 Effective Techniques to Help You Communicate with Pharmaceutical Representatives	98
	Death by Moving	100
	My Favorite Munchausen: Clipping	101
	Power Lunch	102
	Lucky	102
	Cameloft	103
	Flatus Maximus	104
	A Problem Patient Comes and Goes	106
	Hairpin Curve	107
	A Bad Itch	107
	A Stitch in Time	108
	X-Ray Files: Remote Control	109
	Strike a Pose	110
	Bill Millionaire	111
	Scooby Snack	112
	True Anecdotes	112
	A True Diagnosis	113
	X-Ray Files: Make 7 "Up Yours"	113
	My Favorite Munchausen: Insulin-Cravin' Sweet Teeth	114
	8 CM - The Movie	115
	Benzo Begger	116
	The Timmy Fund	117
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Have Stones, Will Travel	118
	Top Ten Ways a Drug Rep Pisses Off a Physician	119
	X-Ray Files: Butt Light	120
	Scambien	121
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Yellow Bill	122
	The Experienced Doctor
	Introduction	124
	PJ Explains the 80/20 Rule of Medicine	126
	Doctor, I Can't Keep It Up Much Longer ...	128
	Be Careful!	129
	Top Ten Things Your Mother Always Told You to Do That You Wish Patients Listened To	129
	Physician, Heel Thyself	130
	PJ Explains Bowel Obsession	131
	Top Ten Ways to Get "Hunkered Down" Patients Out of the Hospital	132
	Back in the Day	133
	New Doc vs. Old Doc	134
	Here Kitty, Kitty ...	135
	Indifferex	136
	PJ Says: Suck It Up!	138
	Cold as Ice	139
	Creams Don't Work	139
	The Doctor's Rules	140
	Those Darn Narc Seekers: Jack 'n the Back	142
	My Favorite Munchausen: Something Doesn't Smell Right	143
	"Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow"	144
	Let Her Eat Cake	145
	Smelly Feet	145
	PJ and a Barrel of Monkeys	146
	X-Ray Files
	Bright Idea One and Two	147
	Not So Bright Idea	147
	COPD Terrarium	148
	List of Bad Prognostic Signs	150
	Answering Service Tips	150
	PJ Explains "Why HMOs Can Kiss My Bony White Ass"	151
	Hospice Tales	152
	Godivaphage XR	153
	Stand Up! Quick!	154
	Radiology Woes	155
	Learn to Talk Administralian	156
	PJ Talks About ED	158
	Case Records of the Placebo General Hospital	159
	Official Physician Hand Signals	160
	Are You Sick?	162
	Oxycotton Candy	163
	Thoughts from an "Experienced" Doc	164
	X-Ray Files: Bolt - Doh! - Bird	165
	War Is Hell or What's That Smell?	166
	A 2 A.M. Phone Call	167
	Duct Tape	167
	Diary of a New Drug Rep	168
	PJ Explains: Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em	170
	Why Couldn't You Hate Me?	171
	Alcoferon	172
	X-Ray Files: Easter Bunny	173
	Medical Brush with Greatness	174
	Get Off the Road	176
	Is It in You?	176
	She Was Not Out of Earshot	176
	Top Ten Ways Physicians Piss Off Drug Reps	177
	Dementia Safe Invisible Fence	176
	X-Ray Files: Hung-ry Like the Wolf Cookie Monster - Kenny	179
	Things I Still Don't Understand After Being in the ED for 15 Years	180
	Strategic Filibustering	181
	Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted to Say to Patients	182
	After 30 Years as an ER Doc: My Favorite True Stories of Medicine	183
	More Than a Pen Whore	184
	Gunpoint B#owjob	186
	My Favorite Munchausen: She's No Coloring Book	188
	Conclusion	189
	Acknowledgments	190