Shakers Hands to Work, Hearts to God The History and Visions of the United Society of Belie... Book

Well, shit snacks…this was a disappointing pile of shattered expectations. While journeying through the early works of speculative fiction, I’ve encountered some amazing novels...this, I'm very bitter to say, IS NOT one of them. This was my first experience with H. Rider Haggard and I think I will take some time before seeking out any of his other works.

My problem was not the not-even-thinly-veiled misogynistic attitudes, or the matter-of-fact racist and anti-semitic opinion or even the pervasive imperialist ideologies permeating the narrative. Hell, that kind of stuff can be a real hoot in these classic stories and rarely distracts me from enjoying an otherwise well-told tale (as exemplified in my love of H.P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard to name but two).

However, you are not allowed to be BORING!!

Apparently Mr. Haggard didn’t get the memo because he starts off dull, introduces some uninteresting tedium and follows through with a blank-shooting climax that barely had a pulse. In addition to be boring, the story lacks depth and the writing is far below the quality I’ve come to expect from books of the period.

Okay…with that off my chest, I am starting to feel better. Before I unleash my next rant salvo, I should probably give you at least a thumbnail of the plot.

PLOT SUMMARY:

Ape-faced Englishman, Horace Holly and his stunningly handsome adonis of a ward, Leo Vincey, find themselves on a perilous trip to a hidden African colony rumored to be ruled by a 2000 year old white sorceress. After WAY too much time getting there and some run ins with some natives right out of central casting, they eventually meet Ayesha (aka She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed). There they learn that She has been waiting for the reincarnation of her true love who she slayed in a jealous rage 20 centuries before. Many long-winded dialogues and infodumps later the story wraps up.

MY THOUGHTS (cont.):

Most of my major criticism is above and centers on the story being dull and the writing being inferior to most of the other classic literature I have read in the speculative fiction genre. I would say the prose was on par with Edgar Rice Burroughs, who I do not think was a strong writer. However, at least ERB made up for some of his lack of technical skill with some amazingly inventive concepts, characters and stories. I didn’t find much of that here.

Now, I am not slapping a 1 star on this because I recognize the debt owed to this book as a trailblazer in the “lost world” sub-genre. I also think the character of Ayesha was at times pretty interesting and I thought Haggard did an okay job showing her as acting consistent (for the most part) with someone who had lived for so long that normal social conventions ceased to have meaning for her. Also, I recognize the attempt at trying to portray this as a form of gothic love tale full of regret and longing across the space of millennia. This wasn’t nearly enough to save this book from being a huge disappointment, but the book wasn’t all bad.

Before I wrap up, there is one very random passage from the book I want to share because it seemed so very, very creepy and odd and it kept coming back to me even though it has nothing really to do with the plot. Early on in the story, while Holly is at Oxford and Leo is a young boy, the narrator describes the following: In a very little while…the boy became the favourite of the whole College… in whose favour all rules were relaxed. The offerings made at his shrine were without number, and thereon I had a serious difference of opinion with one old resident Fellow… who was supposed to be the crustiest man in the University, and to abhor the sight of a child. And yet I discovered, when a frequently recurring fit of sickness had forced Job to keep a strict look-out, that the unprincipled old man was in the habit of enticing the boy to his rooms and there feeding him unlimited quantities of “brandy-balls” and of making him promise to say nothing about it. Woooooooooahh doggy. Let me get this straight. Old man luring small boy to his room and plying him with alcohol and sugar and making him promise not to tell the other grown ups. This had a very “to catch a predator” vibe to me and did a thorough test of my gag reflex. Sorry, but I needed to share that because it stuck in my head for the rest of the story.

Overall, this was a completely forgettable story and a giant wad of Meh. 2.0 stars.

Oh, and let me in closing that as well-trained, happily married man, the concept of She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed is pretty old hat for me. Now a story about He-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed….that would be a truly imaginative tale full of fantastical elements, but it would take a seriously creative person to write it.

Maybe I could…hold on, what’s that?...okay, coming dear…gotta go…SHE needs a foot rub.