Mommy or Daddy Book

I borrowed this book from my friend Melanie ages ago (maybe three years ago). I started it right away after I borrowed it, and while I appreciated the Kabat-Zinns' perspective, the book didn't really hold my interest. It felt like old news. I'd been through those difficult early years with my kids, and while the suggestions were good, I didn't really need them anymore. But there was enough there that I didn't want to give the book back to Melanie unread, so I put it on my TBR Challenge list for 2015---and actually read it.

This time the book spoke to me, probably because I started 2015 with a view toward more mindful living, which, because I have young children, is essentially the same as mindful parenting. Apparently right now is the right time for me to be reading this book.

In the months after my first child was born, I used to pick up the La Leche League staple The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, not because I needed help with breastfeeding---I'd paid the lactation consultants for that and was finally nursing nearly pain-free after six weeks---but because the tone was so supportive. I would dip in after my daughter had nursed herself to sleep but wasn't ready to latch off yet, and the words would wrap around me. I would feel, for a few minutes, like I wasn't alone.

Reading Everyday Blessings this month, I was reminded of that feeling of embrace. Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn provide an open and honest look at the challenges and benefits of being present with our children. They don't offer anything I didn't already know, but they did offer reassurance. Here were people who had engaged in the same type of parenting to which I aspire, who tried and failed and tried again, over and over, and not only lived to tell the tale, but reaped benefits even from their imperfect parenting. This is comforting to me because, as much as I hope for perfection, there's no such thing as perfect parenting. I will always make mistakes; I will always have regrets. There will always be times when I'm confused and have no idea how to proceed, but I'll have to proceed anyway because that's my job. Everyday Blessings reminds me that this is okay. This is just another part of the process.

Even with all of these warm fuzzies, I found myself dreading the last section, Darkness and Light, about the loss and grief inherent in parenting. I wasn't sure I wanted to go there after being buoyed gently along on the rest of the book, but it turned out that this section pulled everything together well. Here is where they talked about their own fears and failures, and as much as I don't like looking at those in my own life, it was helpful to see them presented so gently. Practicing empathy for the parenting mistakes of those who share my parenting intentions helps me have more empathy for my own shortcomings.