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Dalma Heyn offers the revolutionary argument that women leave their marriages not for the reasons commonly believed--boredom, or disharmony with their mate--but because of a subtle trauma that they experience soon after nuptials. Women in first and second marriages, married at twenty or forty-five, describe their unexpected, often lonely transformation from women into wives and their inability to stop, or even articulate, its occurrence. As one woman says, "Within a year of my marrying, my plans for my own life, my own needs, had disappeared." Heyn argues that the ideal of the Virtuous Wife has taught us that she is the one responsible for the quality of the relationship--that to make a marriage work, women must be sacrificing, accommodating, good. But those are qualities for sainthood, not happiness. In fact, they assure precisely the opposite--distress, resentment, and guilt in both partners. Elegantly argued and resounding with the voices of women and men, Marriage Shock is a groundbreaking book that will change the way we think about marriage--and about divorce. Heyn's compassionate conclusion is that marriage can be saved only when we stop trying to "fix" wives so they fit into it--and instead fix marriage to embrace and nourish wives.
| Price | Condition | Delivery | Seller | Action |
| $99.99 | Digital |
| WonderClub |
Richard Jaime
reviewed Marriage shock on September 25, 2019
Marriage shock
Informative, if not quite pinpointing the cultural moment. For an example of Marriage Shock struggling to relate to readers in the modern day, consider the Bobbits. The book spends several paragraphs on Lorena Bobbitt, who was often featured in the tabloids of the 90s as the butt of jokes or who was otherwise demonized. Whereas in 2019 not only is Lorena Bobbitt hardly in the news, when she is it's about the domestic abuse she endured, and the nonprofit work she has been involved with for her adult life.
The small things aside, Marriage Shock asks readers (it's directed towards women) to consider how marriage casts a long shadow in the mental health of brides. Heyn makes a compelling case that marriage as an institution is fit only for men and that marriages which thrive are able to do so only after dismantling the institution from the inside to create a more hospitable framework. The book offers wives the tools to rewrite the story of marriage; if you've ever felt like winning love means losing yourself in a hetero relationship, then Marriage Shock also offers comfort and hope.
I would like to see an examination of how marriage works for gay and lesbian couples within Heyn's theory -- do both women bring the icon of the Wife to the table?
With updated statistics and an examination how queer couples experience (or don't) marriage shock, Heyn's work could find a wide audience today.
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