Enlightenment Blues: My Years with an American Guru Book

	Introduction	1
1.	The Honeymoon	5
1.1.	Meeting With Andrew	5
1.2.	My Earlier Life	9
1.3.	Existential Crisis in Dayton: What Do I Really Want?	14
1.4.	Clarity of Intention Resolved: I Want to be Free	22
1.5.	Revolution in Devon, Amsterdam and Rome	25
2.	You Have To Change	33
2.1.	Amherst	33
2.2.	The House Meeting	39
2.3.	Boston	46
2.4.	Luna's Defection	48
2.5.	Birth of a Formal Sangha	51
2.6.	'Going For It' in the Men's Meetings	58
2.7.	The Book	63
2.8.	Gina: The Prelude	68
3.	Face Everything And Avoid Nothing	71
3.1.	Lunatic	71
3.2.	First Crisis of Faith	83
3.3.	Rebirthing	87
4.	Enlightenment Wars	95
4.1.	From Personal to Impersonal Enlightenment	95
4.2.	Parting of the Father and the Son	101
4.3.	What is Enlightenment?	104
4.4.	Doing Battle in the Katmandu Retreat	107
5.	Gina	113
5.1.	Sexuality and Impersonal Love	113
5.2.	In Love	116
5.3.	Gina Goes to Amsterdam	120
5.4.	John's Demise	126
5.5.	Second Crisis of Faith	128
6.	For The Sake Of The Whole	135
6.1.	Still Looking for Leaders	135
6.2.	On a Mission in Amsterdam	143
6.3.	Doubt Versus the Mystery	152
6.4.	The Mission Turns Sour	157
6.5.	Rishikesh 1998: The Women's Conditioning	162
7.	Exit	169
7.1.	A Combination of Freud, Wilber and Einstein	169
7.2.	Disillusion	172
7.3.	The Last Week	177
7.4.	The Last Phone Call	184
8.	Enlightenment Blues	189
8.1.	Marianne Goes Back	190
8.2.	First Conversation with Harry	193
8.3.	Conversations with Marianne	197
8.4.	Ute	212
8.5.	Second Conversation with Harry	216
9.	Epilogue	221
9.1.	Life After Andrew	221
9.2.	Last Thoughts on Enlightenment	226