The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay Book

In the street

"Hey!"

"Huh? me?"

"Yeah - you. You wouldn't know great American literature if a pigeon pooed it all over your anorak."

Wow - that was surreal… who the hell were those guys?

At the office

"The boss wants to see you."

Oh my… that's Mrs Higgins sitting there with Mr Duthie - she's from the HR department! What's going on?

"Paul, hi, sit down, yes. This is… rather awkward. You see, it has come to our attention that you've been, well, how can I put this delicately, heard to say… hmmm…that Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is well… not bad. Pretty good. Okay-ish. That kind of thing."

"Er, yes, that's right, I have."

"Hmmm, well. Er - Mrs Higgins, can you explain?"

"Certainly. Mr Bryant, we have a copy of the terms and conditions of employment which you signed. As you know, part one clearly states that the employee agrees to promote the company's mission at all times. The mission is encapsulated in the Mission Statement. Perhaps you need reminding of it.

Our mission statement :

We undertake to manufacture by carbon neutral means the world's greatest sprockets and to work in harmonic partnership with our friends, colleagues and customers to ensure Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is recognised throughout the English speaking world as the Great American Novel"

"Wow, I had never seen that last bit!"

"It was revised in 2000 when Mr Chabon published the novel."

"Well, I'm not sure I like the drift of this discussion. I don't dislike Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay! It's pretty good!"

"Well, Paul… I'm very sorry, but that's sort of the point of this interview. Really though, I'm surprised at you. Do you know that Bret Easton Ellis declared the novel "one of the three great books of my generation" ? Did you not know that?"

"Well, ,but, with respect Mr Duthie, Bret Easton Ellis is an overhyped jerk whose theatre of cruelty has been gulling the young and the impressionable for decades! His opinion counts for less than nothing! Less than nothing, do you hear me, less than nothing!" Bangs table.

Mr Duthie groans and puts his head in his hands.

"Mr Bryant, this is to formally inform you that this is your first formal written warning regarding this matter. Here. File it. Next to The Rules of Attraction."

At the hairdressers

"I'm sorry Mr Bryant, nobody is available to cut your hair today."

"But I see three of them hunched over a dog-eared copy of Wonder Boys and they're clearly not cutting anyone's hair!"

"I'm sorry…."

In court

Third witness : I clearly heard him say that if Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" is the great American novel then Everybody Loves Raymond is the great American sitcom.

Crowd : Ooooh - we like Everybody Loves Raymond too.

Prosecutor : Mr Bryant, Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is a magical novel. Its recreation of the golden age of the comics industry is, although cloaked in fiction, picture perfect. Its characters -- Joe and his struggle to bring his family to America; Sam and his complex relationship to his father; Rosa and the depths of both her talent and compassion -- are gripping. This novel's epic sweep is constructed with tender moments of heartfelt intimacy. The story itself is, in many ways, the story of the USA itself: the Depression, the American dream, isolationism, the dichotomy of racism and integration, sexual repression, the Second World War, the paranoid 1950s. How , therefore, can you describe it as - I quote - "often like reading a recipe book instead of eating the cake…the seventy five earnest historical facts per paragraph tend to slow the story down to a sludgy creep for fifty pages at a time…" and this… "Every 50 pages or so I had to read a couple more ecstatic reviews to jolt me into continuing, which was like getting sick of one's exercycle and watching a George Clooney movie and thinking okay I remember why I am doing this and getting back on the exercycle."

Crowd : booooo! Boooo!

Me : Hey, where did you get that from?

Prosecutor : this is from your very own Goodreads review…

PB : But but that's not there anymore

Prosecutor : no, of course not, the management deleted it within ten minutes. They run a responsible book reviewing site!

At home

"Jeez, the day I've had."

"Yeah, but look, you bring this down on yourself. I mean, the Daily Telegraph said Perfection. There are perhaps four other novels I've enjoyed this much. And none of them has made me cry more."

"Well.. er… that reviewer must have led a very sheltered life. And not read many books."

Silence.

"My mother was right! You have a heart of stone! And very poor critical facilities! Oh, what have I done! Why did this happen to me?"

"There there, it's only a novel."

"Oh my God you're at it again!"