The Custom of the Country Book

SPOILERS

Social gold does not always glitter

Edith Wharton did not have a happy life. Nor do her characters. What is happiness anyway, if not merely a part of our lives, something we all pursue, but rarely, if ever, possess in a clean, full form? We are destined to fail. We are imperfect by design. And Undine Spragg is one of the most imperfect characters I have come across. Actually, imperfect is an understatement. She is a walking disaster. A woman almost completely devoid of empathy and self-respect. She is forever entrapped in her search for greatness, but nothing she achieves is ever enough. As soon as I was finished, I told my friend Jeffrey: "What is the point of achieving what you dream of if you can never enjoy it, because you are always so consumed with what you don't have, if the very reason for wanting what you do is that you don't have it and once you have it, you find yourself bored and angry and it turns out that nothing has really changed? I think that the reason why the protagonist - I should say the antagonist, really - can never be happy with her achievements is her lack of desire to share them. And, of course, they lose their meaning. She merely wants to be admired and indulged and not bothered with anything, to not think and be responsible for anyone and anything. She has no sense of self. She wants to be treated like an object, like all she exists for is to be admired from afar, like she has no substance, in the same way a doll or a sculpture is admired, like she is empty. And this is why her life is empty too." As my friend Sidharth says, life needs life to see itself.

It was admiration, not love, that she wanted. She wanted to enjoy herself, and her conception of enjoyment was publicity, promiscuity - the band, the banners, the crowd, the close contact of covetous impulses, and the sense of walking among them in cool security..A stranger - that was what she had always been to him. So malleable outwardly, she had remained insensible to the touch of the heart.

In her mind there is no place for considerations, scruples, limitations.

It was impossible for Undine to understand a social organization which did not regard the indulging of woman as its first purpose

She completely lacks depth. She combines passionate desires with passionless nature. A combination that leads to the downfall of everyone who loves her and her own personal hell. But is it merely her fault?

The real paradox is the fact that the men who make, materially, the biggest sacrifices for their women, should do least for them ideally and romantically. And what's the result - how do the women avenge themselves? All my sympathy's with them, poor deluded dears, when I see their fallacious little attempts to trick out the leavings tossed them by the preoccupied male - the money and the motors and the clothes - and pretend to themselves and each other that that's what really constitutes life! Oh, I know what you're going to say - it's less and less of a pretence with them, I grant you; they're more and more succumbing to the force of the suggestion; but here and there I fancy there's one who still sees through the humbug, and knows that money and motors and clothes are simply the big bribe she's paid for keeping out of some man's way!'

'And is Undine one of the exceptions?'

Her companion took the shot with a smile. 'No - she's a monstrously perfect result of the system: the completest proof of its triumph. It's Ralph who's the victim and the exception.

Unlike others, Undine doesn't learn any lessons, doesn't go through any profound changes. She keeps being a soulless, mindless force of nature, sucking the life out of everyone close to her. This book, just like The Age of Innocence, reveals the truth that often stays unsaid. That when women are belittled, men are no less harmed. Because each right entails with itself a responsibility and vice versa. When there is no equality, when there is no partnership, there are no winners. Only destruction. And by refusing to admit it, we become our worst enemies. Undine is a woman of her time. But is Ralph truly an exception? There is no doubt about how much he loves her and that he wants to give her much more than just material goods, that he wants her to be an essential part of his life. However, he misses to realize that indulging someone isn't enough to create a real partnership. By tolerating and accepting everything she does - to him, to their child - he is no less of a supporter of the vicious circle. He completely loses his spirit.

The flame of love that had played about his passion for his wife had died down to its embers; all the transfiguring hopes and illusions were gone, but they had left an unquenchable ache for her nearness, her smile, her touch. His life had come to be nothing but a long effort to win these mercies by one concession after another: the sacrifice of his literary projects, the exchange of his profession for an uncongenial business, and the incessant struggle to make enough money to satisfy her increasing exactions. That was where the 'call' had led him …

He spends his whole life diminishing himself and exalting her. This adoring, gentle, maybe too good to be true husband feeds the abyss as much as every self-centered lover of boot-licking out there. Not having appreciation for yourself is as bad as not having it for the person next to you. The lack of sense of self is probably the only thing he truly shares with Undine. Even in the end, when he finally has a reaction, he takes down not her, but himself. He destroys himself and the future of his son.

The distinction between winner and loser, abuser and victim, is not always quite clear. To me Ralph and Undine, albeit very different, are two sides of the same coin. Products of an ill system that either corrupts or crashes you. Unlike the ending of The Age of Innocence, the ending of The Custom of the Country doesn't leave us with a glimmer of hope. It is perfect and eloquent in its bleakness. Edith Wharton strips the body of the late XIX century New York society of its brilliant clothing, separates the skin from the bones and turns the bones into dust. There is no happiness in this story, but there is truth. And, as imperfect as we are, it is up to us whether we shall let it be our truth or find that glimmer of hope, after all.

My thanks to Candi for the recommendation! :)