Contents
Acknowledgments....................xiv
Introduction....................1
Who Can Use This Book?....................3
How to Use This Book....................4
A Personal Note....................5
Chapter 1: Relax-and Heighten Your Pleasure Response....................6
Activating Your Relaxation Response....................9
The Brain, Relaxation, and Arousal....................9
Relaxation and Touching....................11
Anxious Thoughts....................11
But What If the Pressure Is Real?....................13
Chapter 2: Sensate Focus: The Touch That Transforms Sex....................15
The Principles of Sensate-Focus Touching....................16
The Benefits of Touching....................22
Some General Directions for the Exercises....................24
Chapter 3: The Sexual-Pleasure Cycle....................25
Biology 101....................25
Masters and Johnson's Human Sexual-Response Cycle....................29
Problems with Masters and Johnson's Conclusions....................34
Sex by the Numbers: A Focus on Pleasure....................36
Drugs and Sexual Pleasure....................40
Chapter 4: Self-Pleasure: Learning the Ways of Your Body....................43
The Benefits of Self-Touch....................44
Too Much of a Good Thing?....................45
Enhancing Touch with Oils and Lubricants....................50
Chapter 5: Thoughts on the Nature of Sexual Desire....................59
Sexual Desire, Libido, and the Zest for Life....................60
Male-Female Differences in Sexual Desire....................63
Desire Killers....................67
Drugs toEnhance Sexual Desire....................70
Chapter 6: Partner Caresses That Kindle Desire....................72
How Sensate-Focus Exercises Stir Up Desire....................73
A Few More Suggestions for Cultivating Sexual Desire....................83
Chapter 7: Oral Pleasures....................87
Why Is Oral Sex So Popular?....................87
Positions for Oral Sex....................88
Make Oral Sex More Fun....................89
Safer Sex....................93
Chapter 8: The Many Pleasures of Intercourse....................95
Motivations for Intercourse....................95
Intercourse Positions....................96
Your Attitude....................102
Contraception....................103
Chapter 9: Making the Pleasure Last and Last: A Chapter for Men....................109
Why Last Longer?....................110
Why Do Some Men Last Longer than Others?....................111
What Doesn't Work, or How Not to Last Longer....................112
Three Basics....................113
Your Attitude....................125
Chapter 10: Getting Better and Better (Erections) All the Time: A Chapter for Men....................127
Erection-Enhancing Drugs....................139
Chapter 11: Awakening Your Full Capacity for Arousal: A Chapter for Women....................144
Enhancing Your Arousal....................145
Viagra for Women?....................155
Accessories....................155
Chapter 12: Sensate-Focus Techniques for Sensational Orgasms: A Chapter for Women....................157
History Lesson....................158
External Triggers....................159
Internal Triggers....................160
Other Orgasm Triggers....................161
Clitoris Versus Vagina, Finally....................162
Changes During Orgasm....................162
What's Holding You Back?....................163
Using Sex Toys in Your Solo Explorations....................168
Partner Exercises for Orgasm....................175
Chapter 13: Ejaculation and Orgasm: From Ordinary to Extraordinary: A Chapter for Men....................187
Increasing Penile Sensitivity....................188
Chapter 14: Pleasure Bonds: Enhancing Mutuality and Intimacy....................200
Sharing Private Sexual Experiences....................203
Drawing Close Through Better Communication....................208
Talking Dirty and Talking Sexy....................213
Vulnerability Explorations....................215
Anal Sex....................219
Remembering to Play....................221
More about Play....................224
Chapter 15: Beyond Sensate Focus: Love, Healing, and Ecstasy....................227
Sternberg's Triangular Theory....................228
Lovestyles....................229
Attachment....................231
Reinforcement and Misattribution....................232
A Hormonal Theory of Love....................233
Conclusions about Love....................234
Sexual Healing....................236
Ecstasy....................238
Going Forward from Here....................239
Suggested Reading....................241
Sources for Sex Toys....................242
Index....................243
