Choosing Judaism Book

I have no idea who this book is written for. It's called Choosing Judaism, but most of the book seems geared toward people who have already chosen Judaism or, indeed, already converted and are now dealing with the aftermath. The book actually begins with a list of historical converts, starting with Abraham and going forward, and then ends with "me" and "you," which is hardly a list for someone who isn't certain. However, a lot of the text seems to imply people who aren't that familiar with the actual practice of Judaism. I'm not talking about not feeling perfectly comfortable with Hebrew, or feeling out of place when leading a seder, I'm talking about not knowing the Shabbat blessings or the Shema . Presumably, these are things one is supposed to know before converting, and yet at least part of the book doesn't assume that, so on that note it is written for beginners.

On that note, much of the content is about fear or uncertainty, and Choosing Judaism seems overwhelming negative. There are constant block quotes from people who are dealing with huge problems, or feel terrible or conflicted about their choices, or who have made great personal sacrifices, or who have not talked to their parents in years, or feel like they're constantly acting, or hypocrites, or any number of other personal tragedies or sacrifices. For example:My parents never approved of my conversion. In fact, we have not spoken since the day I became a Jew. My son has enjoyed a beautiful relationship with my in-laws, but at the age of six, sensing that something was wrong, he approached me one day and asked, "Mommy, don't you have parents too?" It was a very difficult day in my life. I tried to explain the situation as best I could given his age and level of understanding. It still hurt, though. And there has been no happy ending.There are examples of good outcomes as well, but personally, it felt like the number of tragic stories or stories of difficulty outweighed the good ones.

And on a personal note, I'd really like to read a book about conversion that doesn't start with the perspective that the potential convert is a reasonably devout Protestant who will suffer terrible damage to their psyche if they don't celebrate Christmas. I mean, here's an example quote: Christmas! How could I not have Christmas? The happiest memories of my life were bound up with it. Smells, colors, sounds--it was so much a part of my consciousness. I was resentful at the thought of having to give it up. But I did come to the realization that a Christmas tree would have no place in my Jewish home.I get that people like the holidays they grew up with, but that seems completely out of proportion to me. I haven't cared about the presents aspect of Christmas for over half my life and haven't cared about the religious aspect ever, so it's possible that I'm an outlier. I can't relate to it at all, and it just makes me scratch my head in bemusement.

It does speak to a larger trend in the book that's problematic, though--it seems to take as given that conversion will alienate the convert from their non-Jewish relatives and customs. According to the stories within, separation and pain is nearly inevitable. Sometimes it can be overcome, and sometimes it can't (as in the part I quoted above), but it's presented as something that everyone will have to deal with. "If you choose to do this, your family might never talk to you again, and it will almost certainly cause a rift that may or may not ever heal," is going to be really intimidating to basically everyone. In fact, I suspect that instead of turning down a candidate the prescribed three times, a rabbi should just say, "Oh, sure, but you should read Choosing Judaism first. Come back to me once you've read it." If the candidate does come back, then clearly they're sincere and properly committed.

I am, perhaps, being uncharitable. For one, the book was written over thirty years ago, when the cultural attitude towards Judaism was much different than it is today. I think the point that Lydia Kukoff was trying to make is that, while conversion can create uncertainty, is often difficult, and requires or causes a shift in perspective, the end results are worthwhile. And the last chapter of the book is primarily a list of the ways that converts enrich Judaism as a whole, but even that includes admonishments on how to improve Judaism's response to converts and conversion requests.

The best part of the book, by far, is the references section at the end. It's extremely comprehensive, includes subheadings for topics like Anti-Semetism, the Holocaust, ancient Jewish history, modern Jewish history, and a laundry list of others, and is of far, far more interest to me than the entire rest of the book. The only problem is that none of the books were written after the 70s, but on a lot of the listed subjects, that doesn't matter as much as it might.

I'm not sure who this would be recommended for, and I think the title is exceedingly ill-chosen, because it's not a very good book for people who are thinking about converting or in the beginning of the process, and it's more a catalogue of misery than an inspiration. There are better choices to read today.